Friday, August 12, 2016
Tails From Rainbow Bridge: Tommy's Testicles
Boys and girls are different.
When girls have their ovaries removed, they never care if they see them again. But when boys arrive at the Rainbow Bridge they always inquire about their testicles.
Well, I have some good news for the boys.
Recently our puppy friend Tommy had his testicles removed. As soon as they were chopped off, they sprouted wings. They flew out the doctor’s office and all the way to the Rainbow Bridge to await their owner. Thankfully Tommy’s testicles cleared the wall. There is nothing worse than hearing a pair of testicles splat against cement.
When the testicles reach us, it is our duty to catch them, put them in a jar, and keep them safe for the eventual reunion. But testicles like to have fun. They dart and dive, rise and fall, to keep us from being able to catch them. Testicles yearn to be free.
Tommy is a beagle, so his testicles were especially playful. At some point, I could not find them. Then I say Brody with his mouth shut and a guilty look on his face. I could see a testicle wing fluttering in his mouth.
“Brody!” I yelled. “You get Tommy’s testicles out of your mouth right now! You don’t know where they have been.”
Tommy spit the testicles out of his mouth, and they flew off again. I ran after them, barking at them to get down. But they kept flying higher and doing loop de loops. Let me tell you, Tommy; you have some energy packed testicles.
Paco picked up a net and tried to catch Tommy’s testicles. Having recently been reunited with his own Paco knew how much Tommy would want them. But even he could not net the nuts.
Finally, Tommy’s testicles became tired and landed on a bush as pretty as a butterfly with balls. I put the balls in a jar and brought them to the Great Hall of Testicles where they await Tommy.
So cheer up Tommy. When you look down, you may think you will spend eternity looking between your legs and seeing a vast emptiness but your little friends await you.
If they are not if Testicle Hall look in Brody’s mouth. Everything ends up there eventually.
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