What River Song Really Does When She is Home Alone by Pocket

Oh, let us rejoice in River Song being released from her crate, and being allowed to roam free, while my parents are out.

Her only requirement is to be a good girl while my parents are gone.  Apparently not peeing or pooping on the floor, chewing furniture, or standing on tables equals being a good girl, as well as being the only qualifications you need to win the Republican Presidential Nomination.

If my parents really knew what was happening in their absence River would be back in her crate with no chance of parole.

I prefer to be safely in my crate, which contains my triangular kitty condo, where I can relax in peace when left alone.  With River on the loose, relaxation is elusive.

When left alone River is not sitting by the door patiently waiting for my parents.  She is constantly watching Game of Thrones.  She watches the first episode, then starts another, gets confused, and watches the first one again.  I have seen that show 12 times.  It’s driving me crazy.

When she is tired of watching television, she puts on her Irish dance music and begins dancing in front of my crate.  I bark at her that “River Dance” does not mean her dance.  But she keeps sliding and leaping around to the world’s most grating music.

Then there is her meditation and yoga sessions.  She spends lots of time in her downward facing human position chanting:  “Arf, arf, arf, arf.”  It is so annoying!

My Mom usually leaves her I Pad home.  River sits and it and takes selfies.  I don’t know why.  I think she is giving herself a rectal exam.

I know if my mom reads this blog River be put back in her crate but at least I will get some peace and quiet and I can get caught up on Downton Abbey.