Is Daddy a Baby Daddy by Pocket

We dogs know our parents cheat on us.  They are weak, and when they see an attractive dog (and all dogs are attractive) they are immediately drawn to the pups  They scratch them, tell them they are beautiful, laugh at their antics, and never give a thought to the dogs waiting at home for them.

Such straying is not liked by us, but when our parents enter the house, we are so happy to see them everything is forgiven.  But there is still that forbidden scent on their pants, and how they can’t quite look us in the eye.

We don’t worry that we are going to lose our parents to another dog, they may touch other dogs, but they are loyal. But this is what almost happened Sunday.

Daddy was working at a pet store.  A man and woman came in shopping for leashes and harnesses.  They had a standard poodle and a Lhasa. Daddy went to pat the Lhasa, who was sitting at the bottom of a stroller, connected to the bottom support bar by a chain.  The Lhasa’s Dad warned that the dog was a biter.  Daddy said OK, gave the poodle a good scratch, and informed the people where there were discount leashes.

A few minutes later he saw them trying on Thunder Shirts and gave them the “Pocket talk.”  When they bought me a Thunder Shirt, they put it on me before a thunderstorm.  After that point, every time I saw the Thunder Shirt I began to tremble because I associated it with thunderstorms.  Daddy told the people to put the shirt on during a non-threatening situation, so the dog did not associate the shirt with stress.  “These dogs are stressed out all the time!” the woman yelled.  She then asked Daddy’s help in putting the shirt on the poodle.

The woman kept arguing with Daddy about the Thunder Shirts.  She didn’t want one that fit too tightly, even though that is the purpose of the Thunder Shirt.  After the poodle had been fitted with an oversized shirt, they moved on to collars.  The dogs Dad became anxious, so the woman told him to wait in the car.  Daddy fitted the poodle with a collar that fits nicely, but the woman insisted it was too large.  She moved up a size and adjusted it so you could make a fist between the collar and the dog.  “Perfect!” the woman said.  “I don’t like tight collars.”

The woman wanted to get another collar for the vicious Lhasa.  Daddy went to hand the woman the poodle’s leash.  “I can’t push the stroller and hold the leash,” the woman said.  She left Daddy holding the leash as she pushed the Lhasa up the aisle.  Daddy followed with the poodle.  It stopped to sniff some dog food.  “Come on baby,” Daddy said.

The woman looked back, “Yes, baby, go with Daddy.”

Daddy stopped walking. “I’m not the baby’s Daddy,” he said.

“Don’t be silly Daddy,” she said.

Oh my gosh.  My Daddy and been daddy napped.  He was being forced to be a daddy for the poodle and worse for the crazy lady.  Daddy imagined the dog’s real dad already twenty miles north with his foot on the gas thanking the Lord for his sweet freedom.   It was like the Santa Clause.  Once Daddy took the poodles reins he was the daddy.

The crazy lady wanted Daddy to put the collar on the crazy, leashed, snarling, spitting, biting Lhasa.  “But your ex-husband says it bites,” Daddy said.  His new wife didn’t care.  Daddy darted his hand on to the Lhasa’s collar for a second and said it was fine.  The woman wanted the collar two sizes too large anyway so what was the harm.

“We have to get their anxiety pills!” the woman announced, pushing the barking Lhasa while Daddy dragged her new baby poodle.  Daddy told her the anxiety pills don’t last long. “They don’t last long for me either!” she said.  She then grabbed the chewable ones.  “I like them chewy,” she said.  Daddy wondered if part of her problem what that she was taking dog anxiety pills.  “I have enough,” she said.  “Let’s go check out.”

Daddy followed with the poodle.  The woman got in check out and then said she needed a tag.  Daddy said he would go find it, handed her the leash and disappeared in the back of the store until we left.

Thank God he did.  The only thing we need less than a poodle is a new mommy.