There are a lot of evil people in the world. Some use their evil to make human lives worse Others abuse dogs. They keep us in unhealthy squalor, trapped in cages, unfed, in our own waste, with bare room to move; they use us for breeding purposes never letting them out of cages; they use us for barbaric fights, or as bait in fights; and they leave us in cars.
You may wonder what happens when these humans come to Rainbow Bridge. Yes, there is a place where bad souls are supposed to go but the Big Guy does not want to send anyone there. He looks at that place at the enemy and we don’t want to strengthen our enemies.
So he leads them all to the Bad Soul Converter Machine. He puts them all into it and they come out the other side as a tiny yellow minion. He then assigns us dogs a minion to work for them.
The first thing we do is tell our minions we forgive them. Forgiveness is very big up here. We make sure they are well fed (minions have big appetites but they only eat Cheerios. I don’t know why), give them a nice place to live (much nicer than they gave us) and treat them fairly.
Mostly they do the things I don’t like to do: Grocery shopping, cleaning, making the bed, the stuff I used to have Mommy do. Those are the house minions. The office minions are very busy. As a Judge I have a lot of court cases come across my desk and I need my minions to study the law, seek precedent and make sure I make the right decision and look smart.
It is up to we dogs to decide how long we keep a minion. Some are released for longevity, others for how hard they work. Once a month I interview my minions. I am not interested in either length of service or hard work. I want to know what they have learned. If I feel that they have learned to be kind to, and treat fairly, all creatures great and small then I will release them.
When they are released they are put back into the Soul Converter Machine and they are allowed to live their lives as rehabilitated members of Rainbow Bridge.
If you think that we give our minions more of a chance than they give us then you are right. But everyone says that dogs are fairer than people and we want to prove them correct.
Now I need to tend to my minions.