Thursday, August 9, 2018

River Can't Stand the Heat

It’s hot!  I spent the first year of my life in Florida, and it’s hotter in Massachusetts.  When I was down south, I thought the north was a place where it snowed all the time, and people drank ale to keep warm.  Fake news! Massachusetts is terribly cold, then, one day in March, it gets hot, and stays that way until November when it snows four feet.  What a miserable place to live.  Give me Florida’s unbearable heat and then not too hot winter to Massachusetts’ unbearable heat and then unbelievable cold.  

The heat upsets our lives as much as the cold does.  When it is hot we can’t go on long walks, or spend time in our buggy overseeing the garden work, which means it is done wrong by our well-meaning but unskilled parents, while Pocket and I run from one enclosed porch door to the other barking “no, no, don’t plant it there, it doesn’t thrive in the sun.”

It is very frustrating.  I feel guilty when I get outside and see the suffering plants. “Oh River,” a new flower will whine, “why are you inside while we are being planted.  Now I am suffering in this brutal heat, longing for shade, and I am afeared my life shall be a short one.”

I tried to explain that I am a Brachycephalic dog and need to be careful on hot days.  Have you ever tried to use a multi-syllable word with a thirsty plant?  Flowers, by nature, are selfish and not interested in my breathing issues.

We don’t get full walks when it is hot.  When Pocket and I are taken outside it is more like we are being accompanied to the bathroom than getting a walk. We only walk until we poop. Weather people can determine how hot it is by how many steps we take before we poop.  If it is less than a hundred steps, it is very hot.  If it is more than 1,000 steps, then it is comfortable.   I want to hear Jim Cantore say “It is so hot in New England today it only took River Song 20 steps to poop.”

Sometimes, when we can tell it is going to be a hot day during a morning poop, we keep a little in the chute and push it out on our hot late afternoon walk.  Our walkers don’t know if it is morning or afternoon poop.  We eat the same food for both meals, so it really is the same old s++t.

I promised, during our long, cold, snowy winter, that I would not complain about the heat.   I made that vow before I knew this summer would feel like the devil rented the house next door and was operating a blast furnace.  Everyone knows my word is my bond, but I am itching (from prickly heat) to complain. The cold winter is looking better.  But Mommy reminded me the grass is always greener when it is not covered by a foot of snow.

How I yearn for one sunny 55 degree days  Why is it always too hot or too cold. Can’t Mother Nature make it just right?

Sigh.  This is River Song reporting from hot, humid, sticky Massachusetts.  I will see you in five months when I will be reporting from under a six-foot snow drift.

Oh Florida, how I long for thee.


  1. Chicago does get some days in the 90's but for the most part low 80's is the average temp and there's a nice breeze off the lake. Then November shows up and we have feets of snow and temperatures in the minus numbers for the next six months. Abby Lab

  2. River, Mom has lived in Massachusetts, for 37 years to be precise. She says that if you don't like the heat in MA, then you definitely don't want to come to Kansas - it is MUCH worse!!! We don't like the heat and humidity either. It usually means short or NO walks for us too. We are hoping the cooler temps come this way soon.

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

  3. It is either too hot or too coold for us. Right now we can't remember what cold is like.

  4. River we are soooo with you. We are made from sugar and in rain or in heat we will melt away like that wicked witch in dorothys story...

  5. Momma says she'll take da heat over da endless winter of Massachusetts anyday.

  6. We'll trade with you. We love winter and hate heat. Here in Missouri winter is short and only a few really cold days.

  7. River, you should come visit us where it doesn't get any warmer than 70 in the summer and not much cooler than 40 in the winter....but how do you feel about fog and rain???

    Hang in there, autumn is right around the corner!
    Rosy, Arty & Jakey

  8. We have that kind of weather too. We just take it as it comes!

  9. We hit 100 today so we know just where you are coming from. Hope we get some nice fall weather and don't go straight to winter
    Hazel & Mabel


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