Thursday, August 30, 2018

River is On the Chain Gang

I have become a member of a chain gang, and I have not been convicted of any crime.

Before my sentence, when Pocket and I were taken out together, Daddy held our four-foot purple Kong leashes in his right hand.  If Mommy is with us she holds Daddy’s left hand while we walk. (Even our older neighbors, who have been married 700 years, find this behavior schmoopie).  Pocket and I walk ahead of our parents two feet apart. This gives my sister and I a chance to do our own thing. We can sniff what we want to sniff. We can give each other a wide berth during bodily functions.  And we can both suddenly, while walking in front of our parents stop, almost getting rear-ended and causing a two person and two dog crash.

I had no idea there was any problem with this arrangement.  Sure, Pocket and I, during our walks, would continually dip behind one another so that we could be the one closest to our parents.  We continued to do so until our leashes became twisted 10,000 times like a big, long pretzel which caused there to be no room between the two of us and Pocket to end up riding home on my back.  

On Sunday Daddy came home with this tiny, peculiar red lead.  It had a circle, then a minuscule leash, which split into two different strands, and, at the end of them were two clasps.  I figured the old man had gone bonkers and was planning on leashing two squirrels together and then sell tickets to see the little varments fought it out in a pit.

Daddy took one of our purple leashes and hooked it to the circle on the little red lead.  He then called us to come on to the porch, and he stealthy hooked me to one end and Pocket to the other.   We looked at one another and tried to walk in the opposite direction. I slowly was able to move forward, but it was like I was dragging a five pound stone.  I turned around to see that stone was Pocket, desperately trying to hold her position, as her paws dug into the porch carpet.

First, they took us outside.  It was so embarrassing. The leash was purple and the stupid thing connecting us was red.  How garish! Pocket was a foot away from me, and no matter how much I tried to pull away from her the distance did not lessen.  When she stopped to poop I had to stand within smelling distance, and even worse, when I pooped, she was right there looking at me with those penetrating brown eyes.  It was very disconcerting. Also, Pocket is a pavement urineater, and I can’t scoot away from her puddle, so my paws get wet.

We still managed to twist up the stupid little leads connecting us.  I thought we had defeated it, but Daddy was able to untwist it easily.  Drats! I don’t think we are ever going to get rid of this thing. We are destined to be on the chain gang for the rest of our lives.

If anyone has a file send it to us, I would appreciate it.  I love my sister, but I hate sharing the bathroom facilities with her.


  1. we tried that too, because the mama thought SHE! (imagine that!!!) can maneuver two packs of TNT on 4 legs... we showed her that she was wrong and a bloody knee later she knew that the idea was only good in theory...

  2. I will send you a get outta jail free card in case it comes to that!

  3. Have you tried burying it? No dog should have to put up with that.

  4. BOL - that is just hilarious! Mom tried one of those twofer leads on us, but she found she had way less control of us with the one handle in her paws, especially if we decided to go in opposite directions:)

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

  5. When we had three doggies in our house, we went for walks using one leash with a three-way short connector. We had to walk like a dog team. Ghostwriter always thought it was hilarious to see three cocker spaniel butts walking smushed next to each other! But we didn't have a problem with it. (We did our business in the back yard before going on a walk.)

  6. Hide it under the bed. My Mama NEVER sweeps or dusts under hers.

    Abby Lab

  7. I have seen something like that somewhere here - I must find it and hide it
    Hazel & Mabel

  8. Oh NOES! I MUST HIDE IT!!! NOWS!!!! I say hide it with the workout gear...peeps never go near that stuffs here! BOL!
    Ruby ♥

  9. I am trying so hard to not laugh at you, River. Please send pictures, uh, then I'll know how big of a file to send.

  10. Oh! The indignity!! I thought your pawrents LOVED you!!!

  11. Mommy used to take Charlie and me together on walks like and we always got tangled.

  12. We have one of those leashes. Dad likes it because he only has to use one hand for two of us. But Mom doesn't use it because we're big strong dogs and if we work together we can drag her around.


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