I, Foley Monster, am here to answer human questions about dog behavior. I will give you what science believes is the cause of our peculiar traits, and then the real reason we do it. Dear human, you are about to become a more knowledgeable pet parent.
Why does my dog eat grass?
What they say: Dogs often ear grass if they have an upset stomach.
Real reason: Human, I see you, on your cross country trek, tired and hungry, stopping at some Family Buffet-style restaurant. The food is lumpy, stringy, cold and gross but you don't care. It is there, and you're going to eat it. The same is true of dogs and grass. Many dogs are in a perpetual state of hunger and exhaustion. Grass is nature's smorgasbord. Sure it has been stepped on, spent too much time in the sun and is covered in fecal matter but so are the offerings at the Family Buffet. We are hungry; it's there, we're eating it. It might make us vomit, but less regularly than eating at the Family Buffet will make humans barf
Why does my dog tilt its head?
What they say: To help us to hear.
Real reason: Unlike humans, dogs use their entire brain. If there is nothing interesting happening, we power down by turning off half our brave to save energy. Then, if something occurs, we don't understand we tilt our head to the side to activate the other half of our minds giving us super intelligence and problem-solving ability. The reason we do this so much around humans is that you are such a deep mystery to us. When dealing with you, we need all the brain power we can summon.
Why does my dog bark in their sleep?
What they say: Quite simply they're dreaming
Real reason: Simple dreams? There is nothing simple about a dog's dreams. Most of our dreams occur because or dream dates. This is when we go to Rainbow Bridge in our sleep to visit the angels who have passed. These angels can be dog siblings, pups your family has owned, friends or perfect strangers. Dogs go to the Bridge in their dreams, to run, which explains that shaking a leg, to play and to bark. You might be hearing your dog back hello or goodbye. Sometimes a pup lost to you will use a sibling's mortal coil to bark hello to their parents. So don't dismiss your pets talking in their sleep. It could be a message from the other side.
Question: Why do dogs eat poop?
What they say: To hide it or to clean the den vitamin deficiency.
The real reason: Again, we are hungry. It is there. And it is better than Family Buffet. Don't judge us. You, humans, spend five days stranded in the snow at a high altitude and you are carving into one another the first time someone sniffles. At least poop doesn't have opinions. There are different levels of poop eating. There is “eat your own.” At least you know where it came from and where it's been. Humans can't say that for most of the food they eat. And, like humans who unleash a horrific fart that drives everyone but them from the room, ours don't bother us too much. The second level is eating a siblings poop. Pocket, a long time poopaholic does this. I don't mind. She covered up for me pooping in the house many times. And I am not the one she kisses on the lips. The third is the dog who will eat any random poop they come across. Just pity these poor poopaholics and thank the Lord it isn't you
From Judge Foley Monster world's foremost authority on dog behavior from a dog.