I went to the vet last week for my yearly exam and shots. I was my usual brave, trembling self. Everything was going swimmingly until she insisted on looking in my mouth. I did my best to keep my little jaws clenched. But the vet forced them open, a clear violation of the Dog Vet Act of 1972, and announced that once again I would have to get my teeth cleaned — what a bother.
Then they began to discuss my experiencing bad poopies a few times a month. How embarrassing! I don't talk about their poopies, and believe me; I could tell you stories that would curl your tail.
The vet gave my parents a sample bag of the ridiculously expensive Hill's prescription food for sick tummies. Mommy read the ingredients. Corn corn corn corn spam corn and corn. Mommy told me I wouldn't be having any of that.
The vet also told my parents about a prescription food called Calm that is supposed to quell anxiety in dogs. Who the hell makes the stuff Doctor Cosby? Another hard no. They also gave my mom a small container of Hill's wet food. Mummy figured it couldn't hurt
At dinner time they gave me a little scoop of the wet food. At first, I carefully sniffed it. Then I took a bite. This crap was good! I ate all of it and properly motivated. I consumed all the kibbles too. The can last six meals, and I ate every last bite.
I made my case to the ruling party: Mommy and Daddy that I should continue to have wet food. They quickly ruled in my favor, but not the Hill’s expensive kind. Daddy came home with two little packets of food. These tiny servings are known as the Big Rip Off. Parents can choose between a big can or the small package with a quarter of the food for the same price. I can’t believe how many people buy those little packets over the cans. “I don't know why, there's just something about them I like,” humans say. This generation wouldn't have lasted thirty seconds in the Depression
But he didn't just bring home food.
He made a unilateral decision and brought home a rare delicacy known as bone broth. Mommy poured the broth over my food and placed it before me. I took several sniffs. Then I gave an exploratory taste.
Oh my! The bland kibble came alive on my tongue. I tasted things I had never experienced before. If food is love, then I was Robert Kraft at a strip mall massage parlor. Just give me more.
The people at the pet store said there are unlimited health benefits when you add a little broth to your food. It helps your tummy, makes your bowels never runny, makes the darkest day sunny, it cures your dandruff, it gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis, it's guaranteed not to give you an erection lasting more than 4 hours. It's the real thing, the pause that refreshes, paw licking good.
I'm not going to recommend a specific brand of broth; they all look the same to me. But if you're a picky eater, I suggest your humans pick up a box And tell em Pocket Dog sent you.