Thursday, April 11, 2019

Pocket Makes a Change in Her Nightly Routine

Every day our bedtime routine is the same.  First I go out for my last poop. I am taken alone because River Song is a selfish pooper.  For her and her expanded butt hole pooping is a breeze. But I am short, fluffy and tight all over.  I can't just stop and pop. I have to sniff, circle several times like a bombardier sizing up its Target then let my payload out and hope gravity does the rest

If River is with me she gets done first then begins pulling to go home.  How rude! Usually, it is right when I am circling my target. If you jostle the bombardier, you put the mission in jeopardy.  And if the mission fails tragedy will follow in the form of me getting gas and nasty diarrhea

I am lucky Papa recognizes the danger and arranges to take us out separately.  Humans, unless at one point they were forced to poop as part of a chain gang do not know how difficult it is to poop tethered to another soul.  I don't think that even the thieves, murderers or fornicators would begin to leave the stall while their mate was in full. Squat. If they did, after working all day in the hot sun next to someone covered in their own excrement they would learn never to do it again.  That is why I would rather poop tethered to a criminal than a River.

After our pooping mission is complete and we are both back inside it's time for our most useless activity: tooth brushing.  When I was a young pup and Foley was in charge we never got our teeth brushed. Then Foley had to have her teeth cleaned and pulled.  After that, we got brushed every night. After five years I had to have a dozen teeth pulled and now, two years after I am going for extraction and cleaning at the end of the month.  Obviously brushing is a waste of time. But I still get subjected to it every night. “if River is getting it done so are you,” my parents tell me. But I go along so at least something on River will be white.

After our teeth are brushed, we are brought into the bedroom and placed on the bed.   We both get a handful of kibble. Then Daddy goes to the front bathroom while mommy uses the one off the bedroom.   I knew what Mommy was doing because I could see her. What Daddy did was a mystery. One day last week I tired of sitting next to River while She licked herself and I hopped down from the bed to explore what Daddy was doing.

I found him in the bathroom doing what Mommy does but standing up.    How gauche. With nothing to see there, I decided to explore the house.   In a matter of seconds, I realized I had never been left alone in the house before.    I could explore without my parents telling me to leave something alone or my nosy sister butting in.    I could spread out on the loveseat, curl up on the recliner, climb up high on the lift chair and no one would know.    I could make a sandwich. I could turn on the TV and watch what I want to watch. It is a few minutes of splendor a night.  

And now the hop off the bed to see what Daddy's doing and then explore the house without distraction is part of my nightly routine.  I cherish those two or three minutes when I can have the house to myself just let pocket be pocket.


But not any longer than that.  A pocket gets lonely.

10 comments:

  1. Sounds like a good routine, especially the exploring part!

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  2. Every dog's dream is to make a sandwich and watch DOG-TV alone.

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  3. When Sebastian was in pain he liked to sleep downstairs all by himself. It never occurred to us that he was eating sandwiches and watching TV. Now that he's feeling better he comes up to the bedroom to sleep with the rest of us. Maybe late night TV isn't all that great.

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  4. When we are left alone in the house we make messes and/or destroy things.

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  5. None of the doggies in this house have ever had such a complicated pooping routine, even when there were three doggies living here at once. I guess everyone's different!

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  6. We would love that opportunity to explore the whole house, Pocket. But when we are left alone, we are gated in the kitchen community:(

    As always, your poop post make us giggle.

    Woos - Lightning, Misty, and Timber

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  7. BOL BOL - your pooping description sounds like Brinley - she has to turn and turn and turn! We call it the Dance of the Sugar Poop Fairy.

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  8. I hear you! da Nelly is the same... he goes out at night and his business is completed within a minute... and after that he runs inside to get the best place in da bed while I need a lifetime (according to HER!) to find the best place for my recycled food...

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  9. Now this is a real dog post, something that speaks to the very heart of all of us K-9's, big and small alike. In our family, Lucy is the stop and drop it and I am the explore and get yelled at to just poop, for goodness sake! I think Mom has figured out that it is my way of reading pee mail across the whole yard, even if I have to do it in a slightly humped position. Keep it coming, Pocket. xox Xena

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  10. Love your post, Pocket!! We are all short haired doggies, so don't really relate to that part of your story. But now that mommy closes us in the bedroom with her, no more sandwiches!

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