A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck and sees him out. A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!” “Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”
One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.
"Hello," he starts, "I'm doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?"
"Yes. My husband and I use it during sex," she answers.
The researcher is taken aback. "Um, er, I admire you for your honesty," he continues. "Can you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can't get in."
😃🙂😉😁
ReplyDeleteBOL, BOL!! 🤣
ReplyDeleteI think the dog forgetting his keys is the best. They all made us smile though, thank you.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful week
ERin
😂 I know where this is going… and it never gets old.
ReplyDeleteThe balloonist replies, “You must be an engineer.”
The woman asks, “I am. How did you know?”
He says, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with the information, and I’m still lost.”
And she responds, “You must be in management.”
He asks, “I am. How did you know?”
She says, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve made a promise you can’t keep. You expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were before we met — but somehow now it’s my fault
They are all funny. I like the dog and the keys and the vaseline best!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant, we did laugh, and then laughed some more! Happy Monday!
ReplyDeleteThankful to be retired, as the first story is so dead on! Ruby you and your mom found us some good Monday funnies! Love Bugs Bunny! And have you had your share of zoomines?
ReplyDeleteLove that first one...going to send it to my ex-co-worker! Ha!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE these. The one about the balloonist is my most fave, but I love them all!!
ReplyDeleteThese are great. Thanks for posting them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the funnies, really enjoyed those and lovely to have a laugh out loud. Very, very much appreciated :)
ReplyDeleteI say AMEN to this
ReplyDelete"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
Haha brilliant! Love the keys and keeping the kids out, brilliant :-D
ReplyDeleteThose are funny, love that first one!
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee! The doorknob, I’ll have to remember that one.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely loved that first one, and the rest made me smile, too. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteChaplin: "Hmm, that young housewife must not have a dog to lick the doorknob, because Dennis told us once that Tucker got hold of an open jar of petroleum jelly and ate the whole thing ..."
ReplyDelete