Ruby's Sunday Funnies

 

An Irish Catholic daughter runs away from her Dublin home at 18. Five years later she returns home and knocks on her father's door. He answered and before he let her in he asked her what she had done the last five years. She said she was ashamed to say it, but she had supported herself by being a prostitute. Her father told her she was not allowed in the home. She had been raised a good Catholic girl and turned to filth, shaming her family for generations. Crying she said she understood, but she wanted to leave him a car given to her by a husband whose marriage she had ruined, a check for $10,000 from hush money paid by a married businessman, and another for $20,000 left over money she was given to get an abortion. Confused her father asked how she got all that money simply by converting. She told him he misunderstood, she was a prostitute, a shameful whore and her father said: “A prostitute? I thought you said a Protestant. Thank God! I thought you had shamed us but you are only a hooker. Come inside and kiss your mother with your whorevmouth. A prostitute, what a relief,”

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”
The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial”.

“See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….”

The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.

“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means.”

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!”

The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”