Ruby's Sunday Funnies

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.

She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. 

Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

IHe says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

A naked woman is bouncing on her bed singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen year old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 45-year-old ass?"

"Your name never came up, " she replied

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.

He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.

So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, " What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know,"says the guy.

"How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde.

"That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass.

Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit