The man next door vs. the determined squirrel

By Pocket:

I spent a good part of Friday with Foley sitting by the big windows by our deck watching the tall man who lives next-door battle out most troublesome enemies, the squirrel. The man was putting up his bird feeders. Foley and I have no quarrel with small birds, and as many of you know, we have a wonderful relationship with the neighborhood Canadian geese who we use to deliver our poop-on-you awards.

Before he put up his bird feeders he decided to make them squirrel proof. First he took used ups of sour cream and he cut a hole in them, and worked them down the trunk of the tree. Foley and I looked at one another skeptically. He did this several times. Then he had these plastic things, they looked like flying saucers, or maybe upside down birdbaths, and the put them on poles that he had stuck in the ground.

By the time he was done every tree either had a flying saucer or a upside down sour cream cup. Then he took a wire and strung it between two trees. Then he took barbed wire and attached it to the wire between the trees. Every time he did this he had to go up and down a ladder, up and down.

Finally he picked up the two feeders and hung in the middle of his line of barbed wire. He then stepped back with a self-satisfied look on his face admiring his work, which made our pretty back yard look like a place where aliens had landed to raid our sour cream farm.

He went inside and seconds later two squirrels came out of the woods and began pacing back and forth looking at the bird feeders. They stopped, pointed up, discussed the situation. They tried running up the trunks but we stymied by the sour cream cups and flying sauces. They got to the wire but were stopped by the sharp barbs. They went back on the ground and huddled to discuss the situation. For the first time in our lives Foley and I were rooting for the squirrels.

Then one of them got right underneath the feeder which was about four feet off the ground. He got up on his hind legs, shook his butt a little, and then took off like a rocket, grabbing a hold of the feeder with his claws, pulling himself up, and eating the feed and emptying the rest on the ground for his friend.

Our neighbor came out a short time later, hands on hips, one of those cartoon “fuming” things over his head. We are sure he will be back at work tomorrow trying to stop the squirrels. We think the entire situation will culminate on network TV when the Deustche Bank Open takes place down the road in Norton MA.

By that time our neighbor will have laid dynamite under the ground to stop the squirrels and he will set it off just as Tiger Woods shorts the winning putt by a quarter inch when the earth begins to shake and the ball falls into the hole causing Tiger to win Caddyshack style. And when you see that happen, think of Foley and I, and say well, their neighbor finally got that squirrel.

And then, seconds later, the squirrels will appear, jump on to the fielder, and eat all his food. Rock on squirrels, we have to chase you when we see you, but we’ll still root for you.

New Home

Hi all you good little pups and lollipops. It's your two favorite troublesome little Yorkies, Foley Monster and Pocket. We are refugees from a place we will call Cyberland. It was ruled by an evil, illiterate Princess. This Princess pretended the land was safe for pups and lollipops but she lied. Princess protected the evil saints, the rude byeatches, the hurtful ankle biters, and banished those lollipops and pups who complained. The final straw for Pocket and I was the banishment of our friend Tanner. You see, beautiful Tanner, he was very sick with cancer and had not been given much time. His owner, a wonderful woman, was getting support from all the good pups and lollipops but she spoke out against the evil Saint and was banished to the dark woods to stay cold and isolated until Tanner passed to the Rainbow Bridge. Pocket and I sent this very nice missive to the evil Princess:

"
-->I know Tanner's Mom made at least one really bad mistake. She left a comment on my journal last night when she named a former (redacted) member's owner. She knew it was wrong right away and sent me a message to delete it, but I didn't until morning. I am asking you to reconsider that Tanner be allowed back on because he's dying. His owner needs his friends at this time. Once he passes, if you don't want to allow the owner on again, fair enough. I understand how hard it is to administer this. It was a serious mistake to name names, but I think it's also important to support her, maybe her grief made her type something she shouldn't have. Thank you for your consideration"
The evil illiterate Princess answered thusly:
-->

“As you know the rules are laid out clear, and we can not allow this bickering to continue, nor slander. It may be unforchunit for her personaly, however she knew she should not have done that before she even posted it, and we can not make exceptions in this case due to the size of the event. Dont expect it to be the last eather, the entire admin/support team are hunting down anyone that was part of the event on bothsides as its a clear break of the community rules. Its sad to see so many adults act like children.

And then the Princess slammed the door on poor Tanner so filled up with cancer. Or, as Princess would decry, she slumed th dur on purr Tuner. At which point Pocket and I, raised to right the wrongs in the world, began using e-mail to contact other members telling them what happened and for that we were banished from Cyberland for two weeks. Princess banished us with these words: "
-->Your are temporarily suspended from (redacted)until May 15 because of Attempting to create hostility among other members on (redacted) by bringing a past issue that you where told to let go for the better of the community. (See community guidelines). Next strike will result in a full ban on account."
An education is a terrible thing to waste.

So, our profiles will stay up in Cyberland maybe for a little bit but then be gone. You can find us here. It is easy to post comments here, but you do need a g-mail account, which is free and easy to get, and you can use a completely different e-mail address so the Princess of Cyberland can't banish you. Or you can e-mail us at Foleymonsterandpocket@gmail.com. We'll be watching over all of you, and we'll be putting our two cents in here, free of Princess' rule.

Oh, and one more thing: For Tanner, for Hattie Mae, for all the other members of the Resistance out there, in the spirit of how us lollipops and pups play and nip: Hey Princess: Bite me!