Ruby and the Wart Lady

On Saturday my mom and I go to work with my Dad, although he never actually stops anywhere long enough for it to be a place of work. 

In June, my Dad’s division of store sales was laid off en masse from General Mills. (To get revenge, I punched Pop from Rice Krispies in the face, then found out he works for Kellogg's. Regardless, the jerk had been getting hit because he was always popping.) Dad filed for unemployment and is still waiting for approval. Those social safety nets people talk about are only as good as the overworked or barely competent people who are holding the net. 

My Dad is almost 63, with tremors in his hands. If he were an NBA free agent, he would take a job where the only qualifications are having a license and not currently being in jail: DoorDash.

On Saturdays Mommy and I go with him to air out Mommy, and for me to keep her company. 

He usually works four hours, and was close to being done Saturday, when he got an assignment: To get wart cream.

There were drug stores close to her house, but the wart cream she wanted was ten miles and twenty minutes away. We were going to order pizza when Daddy was done and now we had to wait.

He drove to the store and went inside to find this one over the counter cream. And it had to be this one, not any wart removal would.

Frustrated, Daddy asked an associate where the wart removal cream was, and was asked where the wart was.

“It’s not for me,” Daddy said.

“Of course not sir,” the associate answered in a non-believing tone. He helped Daddy find the cream. On his way out of the store, the woman with the worrisome wart wanted to know where her cream was. Daddy told her it was on the way, and held his tongue that she would have had it by now if she didn’t want a bougee wart.

Driving back Daddy had to make another stop, and when he got to the wart lady’s house he left the wrong package and got an angry message from the wart lady, and had to return.

It took close to an hour to complete, and I got fed late, all because of a wart.

I am waiting for the day when someone asks him to get heavy-duty Depends. 

`