Monday, May 23, 2011

The Pawnight Show with host Foley Monster and guest Arnold Schwarzenegger

Pocket:  It's the Pawnight Show with your host Foley Monster with Hobo Hudson and his all mutt orchestra featuring Hattie Mae on cello.  I'm your announcer, Pocket Dog.  And now here's Foley.

(Foley walks out to cheers.  She smiles and wags her tail then holds up her paws.)  Please we have a wonderful show for you tonight.  Major movie star and former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger is here so let's give him a big Pawnight Show welcome. (The former Governor comes out in a suit and tie and sits in a chair by the desk.  Foley hops up on her chair and then climbs on top of the desk where a pet bed had been placed by the microphone.  She circles several times.  She finally sits.)   

Foley:  Well, Governor, thank you for joining us here.

Schwarzenegger:  Da.  Thank you for letting me on your program.  I enjoy your tail.  It is round.  I like round things.  Like dumbbells.

Foley:  Pocket's tail was cropped.

Schwarzenegger:  Da.  That reminds me of my old dear Da back home in Austria.

Foley:  I was hoping to talk to you about your days as Governor of California but I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room.

Schwarzenegger:  Da.  That reminds me of my dear old Ma back in Austria.

Foley:  I mean, of course, the affair you had with your maid that produced a 14 year old child.

Schwarzenegger:  I deny that.  It wasn't a 14 year old boy.   It came out as a little baby.  It took 14 years to make it what it is.

Foley:  But you were married to a beautiful influential woman, why did you have sex with the maid?

Schwarzenegger:  Because when I marry Maria I became a Kennedy.  I couldn't join in their poke her games unless I cheated on my wife.  So I had sex with the maid.  I pumped her up.
Foley:  Do you have any regrets?

Schwarzenegger:  I would really have liked to have been with the Navy Seals when they captured Bin Laden.  I would have like to have burst in their with my automatic weapon and has sex with his maid.

Foley:  I hear that you are going to have a new animated series, the Governator.  You are going to be a super hero.

Schwarzenegger:  Yes, I am a super hero with a sculptured body who goes to small towns and saves people and then has sex with their maids.

Pocket:  Oh my gosh you are obsessed with maids.  You are like me with my tennis ball.

Foley:  Oh this is nothing like you and your ball.  You spend all day chasing after your ball over and over again.  When you get it you pick it up in your mouth and run around with it.  When you're done you drop it out of your mouth, all covered with drool, and pass it on to someone else.

Schwarzenegger:  Oh not that is exactly what I do with my maids.

Foley:  You're really kind of a sicko aren't you?

Schwarzenegger:  Hey, I'll up.

Foley:  Governor, do you find it significant that your son with Maria Shriver, who was born one week before your illegitimate son, wrote a letter of support for his mother, and signed it with the last name Shriver?

Schwarzenegger:  Schwarzenegger is a very hard name to spell.  It took me until I was 41 years old to learn how to do it.

Foley:  Do you think you have hurt your blossoming acting career with this scandal?

Schwarzenegger::  It is possible.  But I think I have added a lot to my sleeping with maids career.

Foley:  OK, we're sick of you.  Go away.

Pocket:  Hasta la vista baby!

Schwarzenegger:  This is a silly little show anyway, and neither of your have a maid.

Pocket:  I told you we should have got Charlie Sheen.



  1. We read this to the GG. She was confused and then she said, "Your friend knows Arnold Schwarty-whatsy? They must really be some bigshot. You really think you're *somebody*. Bah! He's stupid somehow. Not like Elvis. You don't know anyone that knows Elvis to you? I guess, not. He's gone and once you're gone, you're gone."

  2. Best interview with the governator ever. Like that you threw him no softballs, but he may not have been listening to the questions.

  3. I cannot believe you were able to get Arnold on the show! You must have lured him to the set by showing pictures of you in maid uniforms! Right? Next time please get Charlie Sheen on your show and ask him why you weren't chosen as the newest intern, okay? I know you applied a long time ago and as far as I know you weren't chosen. Why?