Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Mom vs The Birds by Foley Monster

Mommy is mad at the birds and this is causing all sorts of problems for me.  You all know how hard Mommy works in her gardens.  She likes everything perfect.  Daddy does too.  But he also likes to feed the birds.  And birds are very sloppy eaters.  Their seed falls to the ground and causes weeds.

Mommy hates that they cause weeds but she begrudgingly let’s Daddy feed the birds.  Now the birds are trying  to get sweet nectar from her flowers and, when they do they are knocking petals to the ground. Plus, after eating at the feeder they are using her car as a restroom.  .  Not even I was allowed to do that.  She has had it with the birds.

And this is bad news for me. Because birds bring your prayers to me, and also do poop bombs on bad people who deserve crappy birdie karma (if you find a big bird poop stain on your windshield ask yourself what dog in the neighborhood did you anger?)

I was unaware of the strife Mommy was causing in the bird community until a group flew up to my cloud (birds are the only beings that can cross the River of Life because they can fly which is why flightless birds like penguins act so pissed off all the time.)  They accused my Mommy of being an anti-birdete.

I could not have that.  I called my Mommy up for a dream meeting with the birds.  It did not go well.  Birds and Moms are very stubborn.  But after a couple hours of seed picking it was decided that Mommy would make the garden around the feeder into a small garden mostly with rocks and statues so the bird feed did not fall and make weeds.  There was one hitch.

Part of the plan was moving St Anthony under the bird feeders.  He has always been a friend to animals and I thought he would be happy but you wouldn’t believe how angry Saints get about having birds crap on their heads.  I told Mommy it might be better just to leave things the way they are.

Not only did she move St Anthony, but then they decided to move the bird feeders to the back pine tree.  Well the birds were up in wings about this.  The term bird brained comes from the fact that birds do not have big brains.  While the tree with the feeder is directly behind the tree the feeders were hanging from the birds could not find the feeders.  I asked my Mommy to make big arrows out of rocks pointing to the back tree so the birds could find them but she said it would mess up her grass.

Some of the birds have found their way to the feeder recently and I am hoping that this means the turf war is over.

Unless someone poops on St Anthony.

Being an angel ain’t easy


  1. OUR DAD is a birdbrain about birds, he always feeds them and the squirrels and nevers feeds us. We cannot figure him out. Thank the Birds though our mom is smarter.
    stella rose

  2. BOL BOL funny turf war. Our birds are OK it is the pesky tree rats stealing all the bird food. Have a terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

  3. We don't let ANY birds in our garden. We chase them right out!


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