Licks Not Kisses by River Song

I am a girl who loves to give kisses.  Mommy usually allows a single kiss then tells me enough but Daddy will let me give him multiple kisses.  This might mean that he has some emotional issues but I don’t care.  River needs her kissy time.

But there are other times I am not in the mood.  Actually that is most of the time.  When someone comes to me to give me a kiss I turn my head.  Then I begin to bob and weave.  I keep turning my head hoping that I can screw it right off.   I have my personal space and it shall not be violated.  

As for the personal space of others?  I don’t care about that too much.  As good as I am at bobbing and weaving from puckered lips I am also good at avoiding a hand that is trying to block my sweet kisses.  There is a difference between my kisses and theirs.  My kisses are sweet and lovely  Theirs are gross.

When I kiss Daddy I use my whole tongue and after I am done it looks like someone threw a bucket of spit on my face.  Then I go over to Mommy, sit with her, put my face on her leg and leave a big wet spot.  What could be more beautiful than a beard full of spit and a big wet spot?

Plus humans don’t kiss right.  To kiss you don’t put your lips right on someone.  That is gross.  You get really close then stick your tongue out and let your tongue do the walking.  I don’t want an entire face pressed on me.  Plus their sloped noses end up on top of me.  So unpleasant.

So when it come to kissing remember:  The question is not tongue or no tongue. It is tongue only.

And I should know.  I was, after all, and unwed teenage mother.  Who knows more about kissing than me?