With the Super Bowl being played this weekend I have been asked many times if I was a football player what position I would play. (OK: I have never been asked that. But sometimes you have to use literary license to get a story off the ground like “It was the best of times it was the worst of times” - actually it sucked all time time but that is not a memorable beginning to a story.)
To answer this never asked before question I will respond with cornerback, the fast, athletic player whose job it is to deny the receiver the ball. I have chosen this not because I am fast or athletic but because I was mastered a technique used by lesser talented cornerbacks. I have mastered the hold.
Cornerbacks use the hold when they are beaten on a play and are desperate to stop the catch like Aquib Talib did to Rob Gronkowski even though their was no flag thrown and it cost the Patriots the game (at least that is what my Dad says. He is a whiney Patriots fan. No wonder the rest of the world find them annoying.)
I don’t hold onto receivers to prevent touchdowns. I hold on to Mommy. I stand on my back legs`and I reach with my front legs and wrap them around her leg. For a small dog I have a mighty grip. She tries to shake me off but I am a very determined little dog. Even reaching down and trying to pry me off meets with resistance.
This behavior is entirely Mommy’s fault. She insists on leaving me and I don’t want her to go, and even the suggestion that she is leaving is enough to set me off. If she prepares our crates, or goes to answer the door, or even moves to answer the phone I am on her clinging to her for dear life.
Mommy shakes her leg, grabs at me, and finally gets free. She gets no assistance in this endeavour from Daddy because Daddy thinks it’s funny when I do it. I would be mad at him for not helping Mommy if he wasn’t helping me. Finally I am pried loose and crated, or the door is opened, or, well, she never has made it to the phone on time but Mommy hates talking on the phone anyway so I am doing her a favor.
I have perfected the art of holding and getting away with it, so, if either the Cardinals or the Broncos want lessons let me know. It could be the difference between winning and losing.