All right team. Gather around. I think we played a good first half. We are only down ten points and I am sure with hard work we can turn this game around. Cinnamon has brought some rats from Australia. They have swum over to our opponent’s locker room and are listening to their plans. No, Chelsea, it isn’t good sportsmanship, but we have a lot of kibble on this game and our opposing the coaches are known for tricky. Shiloh says a big win is in the stars.
I think we have played well defensively, but we need to be aware of penalties. Finley: You are doing a fantastic job of tackling but every time you tackle you eat the ball and the refs are calling a penalty.
Hannah Banana you are our leading offensive player. You are running right through their yard. But I need to stop leaving the huddle to sell things in the concession stands. We have volunteers who can do that. We need you on the field.
Now, players, we have to go at it hard every down. We can’t worry about being tackled. I know you all love the uniforms Hattie Mae designed, but you have to let them get dirty. Yes, they do Hattie. Oh never mind.
Labbies, you are doing a fantastic job as wide receivers, but when you score a touchdown, you can’t keep running out of the parking lot and down the freeway. R and Shyla, our friends from the Rockies, are doing great too. R has a new bionic elbow, and no one can catch him.
Kane and Daisy, you are excellent blockers. It must be all that time you work in the fields pulling the plows. And Murphy and Stanley are doing great too. Must be all the time pulling your humans.
Petey, we have been holding you out until the second half. You are going to take over as our lead running back. No one is going to expect much from an 18-year-old dog, and you are going to wow them.
Dooli, you look great lying on the blanket but if you could get up and run a play every once in a while that would be great. Enzo, you are our quarterback, and you are cool, calm and collected, but you can’t keep running off the field when someone yells”bear.} You have the Three Pugs as your offensive line. Try to remember which pug is hiking you the ball.
Golden Girls you are shutting down their passing game with your great work in the defensive backfield. I got a note from Coach Pokey. He wants you to blitz more. I don’t know what that means so let’s ignore it. Louee, this is American football. Stop kicking the ball! The penalties are killing us. Plus we have the Idaho Pugs to do our kicking. Those little legs send the balls pretty far.
River you do what you do best. Just stand in the middle of the field and stare at the quarterback. I know you will break his will soon.
Now let’s get out there team. Full bellies and Clear bowls can’t lose.
No let’s go out there and kick some squirrel butt.