River Song has a plan to keep the squirrels out

I love my birds.  We have dozens of them living in our trees.  When I come outside, they sing to me.  It helps ease the tension and is conducive to helping me do my business.

We have several feeders scattered around the yard to reward the birds for their beautiful singing and warm greetings.  My favorite feeder is shaped like a lantern.  It is also the biggest feeder and the bird’s main source of food.

Saturday morning we found the feeder on the ground.  It was quickly put back on a tree branch.  We blamed a fat bird, who, having eaten more than his share, knocked the feeder off the branch when he launched towards his nest.

On Monday we found something much worse.

Not only had the feeder fallen to the ground, but the plastic holding the seed shattered.  The bird’s favorite eatery was broken, and none of my horses, nor none of my men, could put the feeder back together again.

Later that day I saw the culprit.  A large squirrel.  Since we have houses next to us, and behind us, we don’t see many of these tree rats.  But we had one.  And this rat had shut down our restaurant via the Board of Gravity.

My parents ordered a new bird feeder, but I knew that wasn’t good enough.  We had to deal with those who destroyed our feeder.

We are going to build a ten-foot wall around the bird feeder

And the squirrels are going to pay for it.

The next time I went outside I saw the squirrel in the tree.  I pulled daddy and Pocket towards the vermin.  “Hey!” I yelled at it.  “We are going to build a wall to keep you away from our feeder, and you are going to pay for it!”

“I will not pay for the wall!” the arrogant squirrel said.

“Yes, you will!  We do not want you in our yard.  You are robbers, and destroyers, and some of you, I assume, are good vermin.  But regardless.  We are going to build a wall, with a great big beautiful dog to let bunnies through because I like bunnies.”

The squirrel scoffed:  “We are never going to pay for that wall.  It is stupid!”

“You will pay for the wall because I am a great negotiator.”  I gave the squirrel my best stare and knocked him right off the tree branch.  He ran out of the yard to tell his friends.

There was a new boss in town.

And they were paying for our wall.