It may be hard to believe for the social media veterans who remember me as Foley's little sister who she would not allow online until I was totally housebroken (luckily Foley relented, or I would still not be online), but I am going to be 12 in six weeks. I have acknowledged my advanced age, and I have acted accordingly. That is why I have started a rigorous exercise program that I am happy to share it with you.
Here are my best routines:
The bark: This is a great exercise because you can do it literally anywhere and for no reason. Barking gets the blood flowing, it is good for lung capacity, and it is a stress reliever. The next time you bark, and you are told to be quiet, tell them that you are exercising. They will respect that.
The red ball: Every morning before breakfast, Daddy plays indoor fetch with me throwing the red ball from the living room to the kitchen. I bark while I chase it, so I get all the benefits of barking practice while strengthening my legs and jaw.
The full-body shake: I like to do this exercise when it is thundering, or there are fireworks. I start shaking at my ears and keep going to the tip of my tail. The key is to have your whole body moving simultaneously. This is good for the heart and the spine, which must stay stiff and aligned, or you will shake too much and crumble.
The snuggle: Align your back and strengthen your core, lay with your back straight in a comfortable chair or couch with your spine against your parent's leg. Stretch your entire body and yawn. Continue until supper time.
The Stormy Daniels: Get on your back and spread your legs as wide as they will go. Tip your head back until your jaw is pointed at the ceiling. This will help loosen up joints. Hold until someone gives you a belly rub. If they don’t, it is acceptable to moan until someone does. This is great for your mobility, and a belly rub always provides comfort.
The eat and jump: When you are eating, scare yourself by biting hard into kibble and making it snap. When that happens, you should jump in the air like you were startled. When you realize the sound came from your mouth resume eating. This will help keep your legs toned, sharpen your reflexes, slow your eating, and improve your digestion. Some call this the “Pocket Leap.”
The big lick: Put your tongue on a human. Press it into their skin and pull your tongue out of your mouth as far as it will go. Begin licking being sure to get full tongue extension with each lick. Suitable for the tongue, jaw, eating endurance, and flexibility.
The lamb treats leap: Stand on your two back legs. Use your core to stabilize yourself. Wait until a treat is offered. Jump straight up off your hind legs. Snatch the treat. Good for the leg muscles, core, mouth, and belly because treats are yummy.
Sleep: This is my go-to exercise. Lie down. Curl your back to provide it relief. Curl your knees for flexibility. Hold the position for eight hours. Repeat as frequently as possible.
If you follow this strict regime, you will shave years off your age, tone your body, and ease daily aches and pains. Or are at least you will be well-rested.