Skip to main content

Pocket Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and the World Will Never Be the Same

I know it is essential that we go to sleep on Christmas Eve and not see Santa. This Christmas, I saw him by accident and inadvertently caused the biggest Christmas controversy since Rudolph and the lamb. 

I was tucked in bed, snuggled between Daddy and River Song when I heard Mommy giggle.  I am a naturally curious animal, so I got down and walked into the living room to see what was so amusing.  That is when I witnessed Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe. I decided to go back to bed and pretend it was a dream.  
The next day I tried to keep it a secret, but that was impossible.  I had seen Santa! I wanted to bark it from the rooftop. Finally, I broke down and told River, but she didn’t believe me.  “I did it!” I insisted. “Mommy was kissing him under the mistletoe last night!”

“How’s that?” Daddy said.  

Of all the times for him to start listening to me, it had to be now.  Daddy looked at Mommy. “Pocket says she saw you kissing Santa Claus last night.” 

Mommy blanched.  “Did you want him to kiss you?” Daddy pressed. 

“Not really, but he is Santa, so I thought I had to.”  I knew Mommy was lying, but it was one of those little white lies about cheating on your husband that is harmless and soon forgotten.  The rest of the day, I could tell Daddy was upset. I tried to sit with him, but not even I could cure his agitation. He opened his laptop.  I caught a glimpse of the screen. It was a Santa review page called Ho! Most of the comments were from kids who did not get what they wanted.  But Daddy wrote something different: 
“Last night, Santa forced himself on my wife and made her kiss him.  Has anyone had a similar experience?” 

He sat back and watched the comments pour in, mostly from husbands whose wives told them they were forced to kiss Santa too.  There were several damning comments from T. Grinch @Mount Crumpet. Within an hour, #Santatoo was a trending topic in the United States.  

Poor Santa!  People were starting to question him.  Why was he showering gifts on strange women?  Why did he think it was alright to sneak down the chimney and into people’s houses in the middle of the night?  And who watches you when you are sleeping? It was creepy.  

Santa made a rare appearance on the View.  He said kissing women was his way of thanking them for the cookies and milk.  “Just because a woman is kind enough to give you a cookie doesn’t give you the right to grope her!" Whoopi yelled.  "Have you ever kissed a man for giving you his cookies?"  

"Once in the 60s," he replied. "but it was a different time back then."

“I hear you keep a nice list,” Joy Behar said in a voice dripping with disgust.  “Is this how you judge women?”

“Let me clear this up,” Santa explained. “My nice list is composed of little girls.”  The crowd gasped. “Oh no,” he tried to correct himself. “There are little boys on the list too.”  The boos grew louder. 

Debra Messing, who was the guest co-host, asked if she would be on the nice list.
“Of course not,” Santa said.  “You’re a jew.” 

Oh, Santa!  He was in big trouble.  He went to the North Pole in disgrace.  People were speculating that he was Roger Ailes in disguise.  Mrs. Claus moved out. Women were getting restraining orders against him. What had I started?  

I hope this all blows over by next year.  I don’t want to be the dog who ruined Christmas.


  1. How funny that Santa ended up on the naughty list!

  2. We have long suspected that he was a bearded lech.

  3. #santatoo!!! Ha ha!!! I knew I didn't trust him!

  4. Get Your Urgent Xmas Promo Blank Atm Card Now Contact Email
    I am sure a lot of us are still not aware of the recent development of the Blank ATM card.. An ATM card that can change your financial status within few days. With this Blank ATM card, you can withdraw between $2,000-$3,000 -$5, 500-$8,800-$12, 000-$20,000-$35,000 -$50,000 daily from any ATM machine in the world. There is no risk of getting caught by any form of security if you followed the instructions properly. The Blank ATM card is also sophisticated due to the fact that the card has its own security making your transaction very safe and untraceable. i am not a stupid man that i will come out to the public and start saying what someone have not done. For more info contact Mr john and also on how you are going to get your order..
    Order yours today via Email:


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Monday Question

Are you a trip hazard?  Have your parents ever tripped over you?  How often?  Did anyone get injured

Wordless Wednesday

River Song 2012-2022

  At the end of the day what was wrong with River was everything: Fluid in the lungs, in the stomach, fluid in the heart, and very high kidney levels.  I think she loved us so hard, with such ferocity, that she used up her heartbeats. Thank you for your love and support. We might take some time from social media.  It is the first time in 26 years we haven't had a dog. We will find a new one, and be back.