When River's Worst Enemy Goes to the Bridge She Must Reevaluate

 

I was out in the yard, doing my business, when I spotted my rival, the beagle across the street, getting into a car with his parents.  He was probably going on a road trip to pee on a lawn down the Cape.  Good riddance, I thought.  At least my property would be free of his hideous pee for a day. 

I was sitting in the living room when I heard a car door shut across the street and ran to my window to bark at the dog to keep off my lawn.  I saw his parents get out of the vehicle, but not him.  I figured he was having a spa day.  That was good.  He gave off a horrific odor.

I fell asleep and must have missed it when he came home.  But, I knew his morning pee time, and I was up and in my window before it occurred.  The beagle didn’t come out all morning.  Then I saw his parents come and go alone.  My heart started beating rapidly, and I experienced that sick, worried feeling in my belly.  When I saw his dad sadly walking by himself, I knew what had happened.  The beagle would never pee on my lawn again.

I walked into the living room and jumped on the couch, laid down, and put my head on a pillow.  I had wanted this beagle out of my life for so long, and now he was.  Shouldn’t I feel happy for winning out battle?  But, I didn’t. In fact, I felt miserable.

I hated the beagle peeing on my lawn, but I didn’t have any reason to bark at him the way I did.  I wish I had given him a chance when he was mortal.  I knew I had to send him a message, and I was fortunate to have a sister who is a Rainbow Bridge judge and could relay it to him.

I dreamed about Foley, and she appeared.  I told her about the beagle and handed her a message I had written to him.  She swore that she would give it to him and said she would visit me in my dreams the next night to tell me his response.  Foley did not appear for two nights, but she did on the third.  She said she had finally got him the message, and he responded that he always thought I was the funniest dog, and never took a single bark seriously.  I was pleased and wished we could be friends.  Foley said he was a smart and caring boy, but she wished he would stop peeing on her lawn.  Classic beagle!

I decided to make friends with his parents.  I had barked at them as much as I did the beagle.  The next morning I got up and went to cross the street.  I saw a moving truck leaving the house.  They had sold and been going to live somewhere else.  I gave them a wave and hoped they could see me in the rearview.

I swore I had learned my lesson and would be nice to the new people.  I watched them when they moved in.  There was no dog, which was probably good.  I can be unpredictable when there is another pup involved.  Their first day, they sat on their patio, in two metal chairs, with a little table in between them.  The way they were sitting, they were looking right at our house.  I gave them a welcome bark when I went out.  During my next trip, they were still sitting and watching our house.  Then they were doing it at night, and then the next morning.  These people sit all day outside watching our house like we are a freak show, and they are waiting for a performance.  You know, that kind of pisses me off.  Who do they think they are?  I only have had one thing to say to them:  “WOOOOFWOOFWOOFWOOFWOOOO!”