The Ruby Rose Report: How to Chase a Squirrel

 

: Ruby Rose has submitted another report to the Home Office. Here is your copy.

I was taking a lovely walk this week when a squirrel ran before me. I barked at it. The thing stopped and looked at me, which caused me to stand behind my Dad to protect his rear flank. Luckily, the squirrel left us in peace. 

That night, my dreams were anything but peaceful.

Foley entered them with her tail down and scowl on her face. She demanded to know why I had not confronted the squirrel.

I told her he seemed like a friendly chap, and I did not want to disturb him.

“He’s squirrel, they are not fine chaps,” Foley explained, “and if you don’t believe me, let my friend Steve the Squirrel tell you.” A bushy-tailed squirrel appeared behind him. It frightened me, but I stood my ground and asked, if squirrels were terrible, why was she with one?

“It is different at the Bridge,” Foley told me. “We are all friends here, but when I was the Condo Queen, and Steve used to climb up on the back porch and scratch his nuts I hated him.”

“The feeling was mutual,” Stephen said. “Foley was inside the nice, warm house and I was outside freezing. I hated her, and her cushy life. Now we get together for an acorn beer and talk about the old times.”

“But,” Foley said, “to do that you must play your roll and chase a squirrel. You can’t just ignore him.”

“Besides,” Stephen said, “the squirrel wants to be chased, it makes us feel like we are part of nature. And do you know what the squirrel said to you?” I shook my head. “He said your undercarriage smells of enderberries.”

He might be right about that.

“Even Pocket chased the squirrels, and she spent her life trying to run in fear from her own shadow.”

With the pep talk, I was ready to chase a squirrel on my next walk.

I saw the same one crossing the street on my walk. I was with Daddy, who had a tight hold on my leash. I knew he would not let me get hurt. So, I lunged and barked at the squirrel, happy when I was pulled back.

The squirrel stopped at the tree and smiled before he climbed up.

I had my first enemy, which I know is good because enemies become friends on the other side, and I can always use friends, even if I have to chase and bite at them first.