The Ruby Rose Report: I’m a Lumberjack

 

Last year, when the weather turned cold and dark, my Dad tried to walk me, but I didn’t cooperate. I was at my new home for under six months, and even on the most excellent day, I didn’t want to lose sight of my house, so before Thanksgiving, they had abandoned trying to walk me, and I, like them, spent the winter getting fat and keeping warm.

This spring, it was time for me to get back in harness shape, and I began to walk with my Dad, even venturing past where I could see the house. I kept walking throughout the summer, even on the hottest day. The weather didn’t affect me, but the actual test would be when the days grew short and the temperature shorter.

I usually walked while Mommy made supper, but when the clock all fell, and it broke the daylight, causing the night to come earlier, my walking was moved up to early afternoon. Still, I was game for a walk, taking time to sniff everything I could. The only thing that made me hurry up was having to pee, which I refused to do outside like a squirrel. 

Then, the temperatures dipped below freezing. My Dad bundled up to walk me. Then, my parents began to talk about if I needed one. They went through a cabinet and found a lumberjack jacket that was last worn by River two years ago. I was wearing my everyday collar and walking harness, and now there was a third addition: the lumberjack jackets. I had so much on you would think I was summiting Everest.

At first, I balked at the jacket, but then I found in the pocket some kibble left there by the last time River wore it. Don’t you love it when that happens?

Even with the freezing temperatures and cold wind, and despite my Dad’s hurrying along, I took my time, more bothered by the tight jacket than the cold. 

Frankly, I just wear it to make my Dad not feel like such a pussy for wearing two while I walk long Hutt naked.

I do like the way the lumberjack jacket looks, and I even wrote a poem about it:

“I’m a lumberjack

And I’m okay

I sleep all night and walk all-day

I sniff the grass

I dig the dirt

I roll in piles of leaves

I like to groom myself

So I can feel pretty

 

“I’m a lumberjack

And I’m okay

I sleep all night and walk all-day

I sniff the grass

I dig the dirt

I like to lie under blankets

And get my who who rubbed

 

“I’m a lumberjack

And I’m okay

I sleep all night and walk all-day

I sniff the grass

I dig the dirt

I roll in piles of leaves

And when I get back home to Momma,

I poop and eat my feces

 

“I’m a lumberjack

And I’m okay

I sleep all night and walk all-day

I take slow walks

I sniff everything

I don’t want the walk to end 

I just know my Dad has to pee