Today on Judge Judy: Foley vs Pocket

Announcer: This is the plaintiff. Pocket Puppy. She is suing her sister for stealing her orange ball and trying to hide it under her Mommy's legs. She wants her sister to keep her nose off her balls. This is the defendant: Foley Monster. She says she never took the ball, and she wasn't trying to hide it at all. She is accused of being a ball buster.

Judge Judy: Bird, does the defendant appear at all familiar to you?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, defendant sued paper princess last year mumble mumble.

Judge Judy: That's right, Ms. Monster, I wish I could say I was surprised to see you back here. I'm not, but I wished I could say that. You're like a bad penny aren't you Ms. Monster? There's no need to answer that. Now, Ms. Pocket, aren't you the dog that soiled my rug.

Pocket: I took the fifth your owner.

Judge Judy: That is take the fifth Ms. Pocket know your terms if you are going to come into my courtroom.

Pocket: No your honor, I took a fifth of a bowl of water before I came in here and now I got my back legs crossed.

Judge Judy: Well if you think you're peeing on my leg Ms. Pocket you can forget about it. Let's get started. I don't need any more unfortunate accidents around here right Bird?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, grumble, mumble.

Judge Judy: Now get on with it.

Pocket: Every day when Daddy comes home from work he sits on the floor and we play fetch with my orange ball. Now Foley and I share our toys, but the orange ball is mine. Well, one day Daddy and I were playing ball, and I jumped on the couch and rolled on my back. I held the ball in my paws and tossed it in the air and the next thing I knew Foley jumped on the couch and stole my ball!

Judge Judy: Is that true Ms. Foley?

Foley: I saw Pocket playing with something. I couldn't tell what it was, and then she was on the couch, rolling around, apparently in some distress. I went to help, and when I saw that she was fine, I went back to sit on Mommy's lap.

Judge Judy: Well Ms. Pocket says the ball ended up near your front paws and you were shoving it under her legs.

Foley: Judge Judy, when I went back to sit with my Mommy there was something round and slimy near me and I tried to hide it under my Mommy. I figure Pocket, when she was playing with it, must of pushed it in the chair towards Mommy.

Judge Judy: You're lying to me Foley Monster. You're lying. You know how I know you're lying, your tail is moving. Now Pocket, how did the ball get in the recliner with your Mommy

Pocket: Foley tried to pick it up in her mouth, but her teeth aren't so good, so she kind of nosed it over towards Mommy's chair, then stuck out her abnormally large tongue and balanced it then jumped into Mommy's chair, and when I jumped after her to get it back she was pawing it under Mommy's legs

Foley: You're honor, look at my mouth, how could I fit a ball in there? And you can ask my witness Hattie Mae. She'll tell you.

Judge Judy: You, are you his witness Hattie Mae?

Hattie Mae: Yes your honor.

Judge Judy: And what can you tell me about what happened in the alleged ball incident?

Hattie Mae: Nothing your honor I just wanted to show off my outfit on TV.

Judge Judy: Very nice Ms. Mae, now if you have nothing else please sit down. As for you two, why didn't your Mommy come to be witnesses for one of you? It seems like she could have cleared this up.

Foley: She's wanted on RICO charges in six states your honor.

Pocket: Foley's right, she has mob ties.

Judge Judy: What if I called her?

Foley: It's daylight, she's napping.

Judge Judy: What if I called her at night?

Foley: She'd be sleeping.

Judge Judy: Is that all your Mommy does, nap and sleep?

Pocket: When she's not fencing stolen merchandise for the mob.

Judge Judy: Well you're Daddy was playing with Pocket maybe he can testify.

Pocket: We left him in the car.

Foley: Pocket cracked a window.

Pocket: I did not I thought you cracked the window.

Foley: Oh man Pocket, he's going to be sweaty and panting when we get there and the windows are going to be all steamed.

Judge Judy: Well this sounds like a lovely family. I'm afraid I don't have much information to base my decision on; you're testimony has been less than enlightning.

Pocket: I have the ball your honor.

Judge Judy: Bird let me see this ball.

Bird: (walks over and picks up the ball) Mumble, mumble, it's all gross mumble. (hands the ball to Judge Judy who drops it.)

Judge Judy: That ball is disgusting I don't know why any human would touch that.

Foley: I agree your honor. I would have nothing to do with that, you can read my blogs, I don't like to play with toys.

Pocket: That is true your honor, but when I get my spit all over the ball, or any toys, Foley can't resist it.

Judge Judy: What are you saying Pocket?

Pocket: Foley likes wet, gross, smelly balls.

Foley: That is a lie!

Judge Judy: Miss Foley, I have read your blogs and you do have a habit of stealing Pocket's toys after she has chewed them, and I really don't believe your story. What I don't understand Pocket is, if I do find for you, what you would like me to order?

Pocket: I'd like you to throw the ball!

Judge Judy: You just want me to throw the ball. Fine. (Judge Judy picks up the ball) Ruling for the plaintiff. (She throws the ball)

Pocket: (Turning and running out of the courtroom) Ball, ball, ball, ball.

Judge Judy: Bird I don't want anymore dog cases. Case dismissed.

Bird: Grumble mumble grumble mumble

Foley v. Princess is settled on Judge Judy

The plaintiff is Foley Monster: She says she was illegally banned from an Internet site for dogs and she wants to be allowed back on. (Foley and Pocket walk in and stand behind a desk.)

The defendant is Princess: She owns the Internet site and she says she can do whatever she wants. (Someone carrying a cardboard cut out of a Yorkshire Terrier comes in wearing a curtain.)

It’s the case of the Yapping Yorkies:

(Judge Judy comes in, sits behind the bench, and looks at the file then looks up.)

Judge Judy: OK. It is my understanding that Ms. Monster is suing Ms Princess over access to an internet social network for dogs that Ms Princess is asking we do not refer to by name and we will respect those wishes. Now what is this? An Internet site for dogs? Bird….what is this Internet site for dogs I don’t understand?.

Bird: Grumble, mumble, don’t know, never heard of it before chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

Judge Judy: Internet community for dogs, now I’ve seen everything. And you, Ms. Monster thinks you should be let on to the site by Ms. Princess over here. (She looks at Ms. Princess.) Excuse me, Ms. Princess, but are you even a real dog?

Princess: Yes, I am a real dog. Bark bark!

Judge Judy: Because from here you look like some guy hiding behind a curtain holding a picture of some dog you found on the Internet.

Princess: No, me very real, me growl at you. Growl.

Judge Judy: Whatever. I don’t have time for this. I will here you Ms. Monster.

Foley Monster: Thank you your honor. I was a member of this Internet site for dogs.

Judge Judy: Excuse me Ms. Monster but in this courtroom you stand when you address the judge.

Foley Monster: I am standing your honor.

Judge Judy: Oh, I see you are. Bird give her a treat.

(Bird walks over and gives Foley a treat.)

Princess: Can I have a treat your honor?

Judge Judy: YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A MOUTH WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE HIM TO STICK THE TREAT MIAMI? OK, Ms, Monster you can continue.

Foley Monster: Well I posted this journal and my friend Tanner Bub wrote something he shouldn’t….

Judge Judy: What’s a Tanner Bub?

Foley Monster: He’s my friend. He’s a very sick dog.

Judge Judy: Well I am very sorry to hear that but I don’t have time to name all your sick friends just get to the part where you were banned from the Internet site.

Foley Monster: Well, I sent my friends a message to e-mail me, and they did, and I told them how Princess was very mean to the sick dog and then I started a blog to tell people about it.

Judge Judy: A what?

Foley Monster: A blog.

Judge Judy: A blog? Bird, help me out here, what’s a blog?

Bird: Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, Blog, chuckle chuckle.

(Judge Judy looks over to where Foley is and sees a dog with it’s paw in the air)

Judge Judy: Put your paw down. Who is this anyway?

Foley: It’s my sister Pocket. She got her account deleted too.

Judge Judy: Is this true Pocket did you get your account deleted?

Pocket: Yes I did can I have a treat?

Judge Judy: Just a minute so did you share an account?

Pocket: No I had my own can I have a treat?

Judge Judy: And you were deleted because of something she did?

Pocket: Yes, now can I pleeassseeee have a treat?

Judge Judy: Give her one. (Bird throws a treat and Pocket scampers after it) This is why I never get involved in dog cases. So Ms. Monster why do you say it was unfair for Ms. Princess over here to delete your profile?
Foley: Princess says I disobeyed the community guideline but the only thing I did on that site was ask for e-mail addresses, everything else was done in private e-mail or blog postings. So how could I have broken the community guidelines if I didn’t do it on the website?

Judge Judy: Did you receive a notice that you had broken the guidelines?

Foley: No, I went to sign on one day and it said I was on 14 day suspension and then two days later my account was gone.

Princess: Your honor we always let our users now they are being suspended.

Judge Judy: IS ANYONE TALKING TO YOU MS. PRINCESS? So you never posted anything after asking for the e-mail addresses of your friends?

Foley: I sent a gift to a friend on their birthday but that is it.

Judge Judy: All right Ms. Princess. What is your side of this?

Princess: First of all: your honor the entire thing is unforchunit.

Judge Judy: It’s what?

Princess: It’s unforchunit.

Judge Judy: What?

Princess: Unforchunit.

Judge Judy: What?

Princess: Un-forch-u-nit.

Judge Judy: Bird, what word is that?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, chuckle, don’t know, chuckle, chuckle.

Princess: I object!

Judge Judy: Object to what?

Princess: Fowl language.

Judge Judy: Fowl language? What are you talking about fowl language.

Princess: Bird, it’s a fowl word, I don’t allow it on my site.
Judge Judy: Princess, have you had any sort of formal education at all?

Princess: I went to Germanna Community College in Virginia.

Judge Judy: And at that Community College did they teach you how to spell?

Princess: Yes. In fact I one the speling bea.

Judge Judy: Oh I doubt that very highly, very highly Ms. Princess. Now tell me, why did you delete Ms. Foley’s and Ms. Pocket’s accounts, specifically how did they break the community guidelines.

Princess: They broke the most important guideline, they made me mad.

Judge Judy: And you think just because you get made at someone it gives you the right to throw them from your site even though they have made hundreds of friends there who miss them and want them back?

Princess: Yup.

Judge Judy: Ms. Princess, I have to point out, that you are not actually what you appear.

Princess: What do you mean?

Judge Judy: I MEAN YOU’RE A MAN UNDER A CURTAIN HOLDING UP A CARDBOARD CUT UP OF A YORKIE! Do you even own a dog?

Princess: Yes, of course, I love dogs.

Judge Judy: Then why not have them come here instead of hiding behind this fake dog?

Princess: I don’t want my dogs hanging out with a bunch of dogs that have parents that post stories about their dogs on the Internet. I don’t want them hanging out with that bunch of losers.

Judge Judy: But this is a site for social interaction isn’t it?

Princess: Right, but eureka, I’ve come up with a great idea. There should be two degrees of separation in social networks, but we only have one, but we are thinking of making it three so only your friends but not your friend friends can see it and the we settled with four degrees of separation so the only person who can see your profile is you. So, when you can only be friends with myself there are no arguments. I lost my virginity that way.

Judge Judy: Well I think that is very unfortunate.

Princess: What?

Judge Judy: Unfortunate.

Princess: What’s that word?

Judge Judy: Never mind Ms. Princess, I have other things to do today, I don’t have time for you. Now as for you Ms. Foley and Ms. Pocket while I sympathize with you and your friends Princess owns the site and he can do whatever he wants with it, no matter how misguided that is. So in your suit I am going to find in favor of the defendant and…..Bird, is something leaking?. (Judge Judy looks down) Pocket? Did you just pee on my leg?

Pocket: No your honor I think it is raining.

Judge Judy: Pocket do not pee on my leg and tell me that it’s raining. Now go back over there with Foley. (Pocket goes back over with Foley.) Now as for your counter-suit for lost wages Princess, you are asking for lost wages of $15,697.83. What is that for?

Princess: That’s a day wages for coming here.

Judge Judy: That is how much you make a dog off this dog site?

Princess: It’s out slow season your honor.

Judge Judy: Counterclaim dismissed. Good day.

(Pocket and Foley leave the courtroom. From the distance they here) Judge Judy: Bird I just stepped in dog poo while leaving the bench.

Bird: Oh, chuckle, chuckle, poo, chuckle, chuckle.

Princess: Fowl language again. Delete. Delete.