Foley v. Princess is settled on Judge Judy

The plaintiff is Foley Monster: She says she was illegally banned from an Internet site for dogs and she wants to be allowed back on. (Foley and Pocket walk in and stand behind a desk.)

The defendant is Princess: She owns the Internet site and she says she can do whatever she wants. (Someone carrying a cardboard cut out of a Yorkshire Terrier comes in wearing a curtain.)

It’s the case of the Yapping Yorkies:

(Judge Judy comes in, sits behind the bench, and looks at the file then looks up.)

Judge Judy: OK. It is my understanding that Ms. Monster is suing Ms Princess over access to an internet social network for dogs that Ms Princess is asking we do not refer to by name and we will respect those wishes. Now what is this? An Internet site for dogs? Bird….what is this Internet site for dogs I don’t understand?.

Bird: Grumble, mumble, don’t know, never heard of it before chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

Judge Judy: Internet community for dogs, now I’ve seen everything. And you, Ms. Monster thinks you should be let on to the site by Ms. Princess over here. (She looks at Ms. Princess.) Excuse me, Ms. Princess, but are you even a real dog?

Princess: Yes, I am a real dog. Bark bark!

Judge Judy: Because from here you look like some guy hiding behind a curtain holding a picture of some dog you found on the Internet.

Princess: No, me very real, me growl at you. Growl.

Judge Judy: Whatever. I don’t have time for this. I will here you Ms. Monster.

Foley Monster: Thank you your honor. I was a member of this Internet site for dogs.

Judge Judy: Excuse me Ms. Monster but in this courtroom you stand when you address the judge.

Foley Monster: I am standing your honor.

Judge Judy: Oh, I see you are. Bird give her a treat.

(Bird walks over and gives Foley a treat.)

Princess: Can I have a treat your honor?

Judge Judy: YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A MOUTH WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE HIM TO STICK THE TREAT MIAMI? OK, Ms, Monster you can continue.

Foley Monster: Well I posted this journal and my friend Tanner Bub wrote something he shouldn’t….

Judge Judy: What’s a Tanner Bub?

Foley Monster: He’s my friend. He’s a very sick dog.

Judge Judy: Well I am very sorry to hear that but I don’t have time to name all your sick friends just get to the part where you were banned from the Internet site.

Foley Monster: Well, I sent my friends a message to e-mail me, and they did, and I told them how Princess was very mean to the sick dog and then I started a blog to tell people about it.

Judge Judy: A what?

Foley Monster: A blog.

Judge Judy: A blog? Bird, help me out here, what’s a blog?

Bird: Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, Blog, chuckle chuckle.

(Judge Judy looks over to where Foley is and sees a dog with it’s paw in the air)

Judge Judy: Put your paw down. Who is this anyway?

Foley: It’s my sister Pocket. She got her account deleted too.

Judge Judy: Is this true Pocket did you get your account deleted?

Pocket: Yes I did can I have a treat?

Judge Judy: Just a minute so did you share an account?

Pocket: No I had my own can I have a treat?

Judge Judy: And you were deleted because of something she did?

Pocket: Yes, now can I pleeassseeee have a treat?

Judge Judy: Give her one. (Bird throws a treat and Pocket scampers after it) This is why I never get involved in dog cases. So Ms. Monster why do you say it was unfair for Ms. Princess over here to delete your profile?
Foley: Princess says I disobeyed the community guideline but the only thing I did on that site was ask for e-mail addresses, everything else was done in private e-mail or blog postings. So how could I have broken the community guidelines if I didn’t do it on the website?

Judge Judy: Did you receive a notice that you had broken the guidelines?

Foley: No, I went to sign on one day and it said I was on 14 day suspension and then two days later my account was gone.

Princess: Your honor we always let our users now they are being suspended.

Judge Judy: IS ANYONE TALKING TO YOU MS. PRINCESS? So you never posted anything after asking for the e-mail addresses of your friends?

Foley: I sent a gift to a friend on their birthday but that is it.

Judge Judy: All right Ms. Princess. What is your side of this?

Princess: First of all: your honor the entire thing is unforchunit.

Judge Judy: It’s what?

Princess: It’s unforchunit.

Judge Judy: What?

Princess: Unforchunit.

Judge Judy: What?

Princess: Un-forch-u-nit.

Judge Judy: Bird, what word is that?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, chuckle, don’t know, chuckle, chuckle.

Princess: I object!

Judge Judy: Object to what?

Princess: Fowl language.

Judge Judy: Fowl language? What are you talking about fowl language.

Princess: Bird, it’s a fowl word, I don’t allow it on my site.
Judge Judy: Princess, have you had any sort of formal education at all?

Princess: I went to Germanna Community College in Virginia.

Judge Judy: And at that Community College did they teach you how to spell?

Princess: Yes. In fact I one the speling bea.

Judge Judy: Oh I doubt that very highly, very highly Ms. Princess. Now tell me, why did you delete Ms. Foley’s and Ms. Pocket’s accounts, specifically how did they break the community guidelines.

Princess: They broke the most important guideline, they made me mad.

Judge Judy: And you think just because you get made at someone it gives you the right to throw them from your site even though they have made hundreds of friends there who miss them and want them back?

Princess: Yup.

Judge Judy: Ms. Princess, I have to point out, that you are not actually what you appear.

Princess: What do you mean?

Judge Judy: I MEAN YOU’RE A MAN UNDER A CURTAIN HOLDING UP A CARDBOARD CUT UP OF A YORKIE! Do you even own a dog?

Princess: Yes, of course, I love dogs.

Judge Judy: Then why not have them come here instead of hiding behind this fake dog?

Princess: I don’t want my dogs hanging out with a bunch of dogs that have parents that post stories about their dogs on the Internet. I don’t want them hanging out with that bunch of losers.

Judge Judy: But this is a site for social interaction isn’t it?

Princess: Right, but eureka, I’ve come up with a great idea. There should be two degrees of separation in social networks, but we only have one, but we are thinking of making it three so only your friends but not your friend friends can see it and the we settled with four degrees of separation so the only person who can see your profile is you. So, when you can only be friends with myself there are no arguments. I lost my virginity that way.

Judge Judy: Well I think that is very unfortunate.

Princess: What?

Judge Judy: Unfortunate.

Princess: What’s that word?

Judge Judy: Never mind Ms. Princess, I have other things to do today, I don’t have time for you. Now as for you Ms. Foley and Ms. Pocket while I sympathize with you and your friends Princess owns the site and he can do whatever he wants with it, no matter how misguided that is. So in your suit I am going to find in favor of the defendant and…..Bird, is something leaking?. (Judge Judy looks down) Pocket? Did you just pee on my leg?

Pocket: No your honor I think it is raining.

Judge Judy: Pocket do not pee on my leg and tell me that it’s raining. Now go back over there with Foley. (Pocket goes back over with Foley.) Now as for your counter-suit for lost wages Princess, you are asking for lost wages of $15,697.83. What is that for?

Princess: That’s a day wages for coming here.

Judge Judy: That is how much you make a dog off this dog site?

Princess: It’s out slow season your honor.

Judge Judy: Counterclaim dismissed. Good day.

(Pocket and Foley leave the courtroom. From the distance they here) Judge Judy: Bird I just stepped in dog poo while leaving the bench.

Bird: Oh, chuckle, chuckle, poo, chuckle, chuckle.

Princess: Fowl language again. Delete. Delete.