Monday, March 22, 2010

Today on Judge Judy: Foley vs Pocket

Announcer: This is the plaintiff. Pocket Puppy. She is suing her sister for stealing her orange ball and trying to hide it under her Mommy's legs. She wants her sister to keep her nose off her balls. This is the defendant: Foley Monster. She says she never took the ball, and she wasn't trying to hide it at all. She is accused of being a ball buster.

Judge Judy: Bird, does the defendant appear at all familiar to you?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, defendant sued paper princess last year mumble mumble.

Judge Judy: That's right, Ms. Monster, I wish I could say I was surprised to see you back here. I'm not, but I wished I could say that. You're like a bad penny aren't you Ms. Monster? There's no need to answer that. Now, Ms. Pocket, aren't you the dog that soiled my rug.

Pocket: I took the fifth your owner.

Judge Judy: That is take the fifth Ms. Pocket know your terms if you are going to come into my courtroom.

Pocket: No your honor, I took a fifth of a bowl of water before I came in here and now I got my back legs crossed.

Judge Judy: Well if you think you're peeing on my leg Ms. Pocket you can forget about it. Let's get started. I don't need any more unfortunate accidents around here right Bird?

Bird: Mumble, mumble, grumble, mumble.

Judge Judy: Now get on with it.

Pocket: Every day when Daddy comes home from work he sits on the floor and we play fetch with my orange ball. Now Foley and I share our toys, but the orange ball is mine. Well, one day Daddy and I were playing ball, and I jumped on the couch and rolled on my back. I held the ball in my paws and tossed it in the air and the next thing I knew Foley jumped on the couch and stole my ball!

Judge Judy: Is that true Ms. Foley?

Foley: I saw Pocket playing with something. I couldn't tell what it was, and then she was on the couch, rolling around, apparently in some distress. I went to help, and when I saw that she was fine, I went back to sit on Mommy's lap.

Judge Judy: Well Ms. Pocket says the ball ended up near your front paws and you were shoving it under her legs.

Foley: Judge Judy, when I went back to sit with my Mommy there was something round and slimy near me and I tried to hide it under my Mommy. I figure Pocket, when she was playing with it, must of pushed it in the chair towards Mommy.

Judge Judy: You're lying to me Foley Monster. You're lying. You know how I know you're lying, your tail is moving. Now Pocket, how did the ball get in the recliner with your Mommy

Pocket: Foley tried to pick it up in her mouth, but her teeth aren't so good, so she kind of nosed it over towards Mommy's chair, then stuck out her abnormally large tongue and balanced it then jumped into Mommy's chair, and when I jumped after her to get it back she was pawing it under Mommy's legs

Foley: You're honor, look at my mouth, how could I fit a ball in there? And you can ask my witness Hattie Mae. She'll tell you.

Judge Judy: You, are you his witness Hattie Mae?

Hattie Mae: Yes your honor.

Judge Judy: And what can you tell me about what happened in the alleged ball incident?

Hattie Mae: Nothing your honor I just wanted to show off my outfit on TV.

Judge Judy: Very nice Ms. Mae, now if you have nothing else please sit down. As for you two, why didn't your Mommy come to be witnesses for one of you? It seems like she could have cleared this up.

Foley: She's wanted on RICO charges in six states your honor.

Pocket: Foley's right, she has mob ties.

Judge Judy: What if I called her?

Foley: It's daylight, she's napping.

Judge Judy: What if I called her at night?

Foley: She'd be sleeping.

Judge Judy: Is that all your Mommy does, nap and sleep?

Pocket: When she's not fencing stolen merchandise for the mob.

Judge Judy: Well you're Daddy was playing with Pocket maybe he can testify.

Pocket: We left him in the car.

Foley: Pocket cracked a window.

Pocket: I did not I thought you cracked the window.

Foley: Oh man Pocket, he's going to be sweaty and panting when we get there and the windows are going to be all steamed.

Judge Judy: Well this sounds like a lovely family. I'm afraid I don't have much information to base my decision on; you're testimony has been less than enlightning.

Pocket: I have the ball your honor.

Judge Judy: Bird let me see this ball.

Bird: (walks over and picks up the ball) Mumble, mumble, it's all gross mumble. (hands the ball to Judge Judy who drops it.)

Judge Judy: That ball is disgusting I don't know why any human would touch that.

Foley: I agree your honor. I would have nothing to do with that, you can read my blogs, I don't like to play with toys.

Pocket: That is true your honor, but when I get my spit all over the ball, or any toys, Foley can't resist it.

Judge Judy: What are you saying Pocket?

Pocket: Foley likes wet, gross, smelly balls.

Foley: That is a lie!

Judge Judy: Miss Foley, I have read your blogs and you do have a habit of stealing Pocket's toys after she has chewed them, and I really don't believe your story. What I don't understand Pocket is, if I do find for you, what you would like me to order?

Pocket: I'd like you to throw the ball!

Judge Judy: You just want me to throw the ball. Fine. (Judge Judy picks up the ball) Ruling for the plaintiff. (She throws the ball)

Pocket: (Turning and running out of the courtroom) Ball, ball, ball, ball.

Judge Judy: Bird I don't want anymore dog cases. Case dismissed.

Bird: Grumble mumble grumble mumble

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