Foley Discovers a Genie Who Grants Her Three Wishes

I am not a water dog, but I do go to the beach. My favorite time is at dawn.  Everything is quiet. Just the gentle sound of the surf crashing to the shore.  I find it a great way to unwind.

Earlier this week I was taking a brief sabbatical at the beach.  I noticed what looked like a piece of glass in the tide. The sun glinted off of it.  Curious I walked to it and picked it up. It was a strange looking lantern from one of those Arabian tales of yore.

I could not find an opening.  Then I remembered the key was to rub it.  I tried with my paws, but nothing happened.  Then I rubbed it on my belly. I felt it begin to tremble and grow hot.  I put it on the beach.

Suddenly an Afghan hound appeared from inside the lamp.

“Hello there," the hound said.  Thank you for freeing me from my imprisonment. I will now grant you three wishes.”

Three wishes?  This was awesome. But I didn't need three wishes.  Angels only have one. To be back with their parents.  "I want to be with my mom," I gleefully pronounced.

"Excellent," the genie said.  "Let me see. Oh good, she's in her car.   This will be easy. Here comes a tanker truck I'll just have it skid into your mom, and she'll be here in a jiffy."

"Wait!", I shouted.  "I don't want her to die."

"How did you think she was going to get here?”

"I didn’t want her to come here at all.   I thought I would go to her."

"Oh, I see I see.  What a near cock up that was. The first day out of the bottle and I almost killed a woman.  When I go to geniepalozza, I will never live this down. So that's one wish off the board and on to your second.  Please correct me if I'm wrong, you want to be with your mom today, at her house?"
I told him that was correct and waited excitedly to see her.

"All right then, by my calculations you're going to be 18 years old, as senile as a honey bee in a wasp nest, have about ten minutes with her until you pass over again and break her heart.  All so you can get a little bit of lap time."

"Wait!  I don't want that."

"Oh for heaven's sakes," the hound exclaimed throwing his front legs in the air.  "It's what you said you wanted," he snapped. "You're down to one wish. Think about exactly what you want and say it.'

I took my time and planned carefully what I would wish for.  "I want to go back when I was five years old on my mommy's lap at her home and have another eight years with her until I go back to the Bridge."
"Splendid.  Let's see that's 2006.  New Orleans is still struggling to recover from Katrina.  It is the height of the Iraqi war. North Korea has just tested a nuclear weapon.  What a great time to go back and visit. Remember you must be careful. By sending you back in time, we could be rewriting history.  America could still be in Iraq. New Orleans could become one giant Disney theme park. North Korea could become a full member of the nuclear family.  Not to mention consequences to your family. Maybe your family doesn't get Pocket or River Song. Maybe because you did something your mother misses that mammogram that saved her life.  Do you realize if you pee in the wrong spot Donald Trump could be president."

"Donald Trump is president."

"My God, how many dogs peed in the wrong spot for that to happen?  You see now why it's vitally important that you think this through. Is going back worth dire consequences to the world and your family?"

I decided at that moment to set the genie free.  He thanked me and headed north for geniepalozza. I picked the lamp up and brought it home.  I put it on my mantel as a reminder that sometimes the best wishes are the ones that don't come true.

River Song Gives Shocking Testimony Against Pocket Before the Dog Congress

The chairman called the hearing to order.  “We are here today to hear the testimony of one Professor River Song about how her sister Pocket Dog uses being small and somewhat helpless to get more treats and the good spot next to her parents in the bed and on the recliners is that right?”

River, sitting on a table, in front of the board, said it was.

“Also, isn't it true that you have admitted that you used your thick head to push your sister out of the way to eat her food and snatch her treats?”

“Yes sir,” River replied.  “I would like to take this chance to apologize to my family and to my sister for doing so.  I am a changed dog.’

“And isn't it true that you have been sentenced to two days without treats because of these actions?*
“Yes, sir it is.”

“All right then.  I understand you have a prepared statement you would like to be read into the record. I will allow you to do so at this time.”

“Thank you,” River said  looking down at her remarks .”I come before you today to report the manipulations of my sister Pocket.  She is a liar; she's a thief; she farts under the blanket and blames me. She pees on the floor and acts like she has no idea who did it.  She is a blamer and a kibble hoarder.”

The chair recognized a labradoodle.   “Professor Song, it is your contention is it not that Pocket Dog has not paid kibble tax in 5 years?”  River confirmed this was true. “And isn't it true she's lying about her kibble intake?”

“Yes, it is.  I have proof here of how much kibble Pocket has consumed and how much she has put out.  You can see it. Clearly, she has not been honest.”

The chair recognized a Bichon from Tennessee.  “Do you know where Pocket Dog is right now?. River said she did.  “Isn't it true Pocket is trying to negotiate a treaty with the cats who live under your house?”  River said it was. “And you think it's right for you to come here today and disparage her when she is undertaking such an important cause?”

River said she did not schedule the hearing.

The chair recognized a German Shepherd from New York.  “This Pocket. She's smaller than you right?” River confirmed she was.  “And she uses its lack of size to prey on your parents to get what she wants doesn't she?”  River agreed. “Do you think that this is part of a concerted effort of little dogs against big dogs to try to take over families?”  River said that was the very reason she had come forward.

The chair recognized a dog with a white muzzle who have been dozing off.  “Aren't you a liar River Song?”

“I have admitted to taking more than my share of kibbles, and I've been sentenced for doing so.”

“Liar liar pants on fire,” the German Shepherd yelled.  “Hickory Dickory dock the mouse ran up the clock. I don't like Green Eggs and Ham.”

River asked if the GSD had a question.

“He's just senile,” the chairman said.  “If we removed the senile ones we could never get a quorum.  Let's move on to the poodle from California.”

“Thank you, chairman. Isn't it true Pocket Dog thought of you as her personal pit bull.”  River said it was. “And didn't you leave several threatening peemails in your neighborhood saying if anyone messed with her she would have you take care of them?” River nodded.  “Did you ever have to physically confront anyone at Pocket’s request?”

“Not that I recall.  She wanted me to walk next to her and look tough.  Given my resting bitch face, the illusion was natural to me.”

The chair recognized the Min PIn from Georgia.  “Professor Song aren't you nothing but a low-down liar.  You trying to get some book deal? You going to sell your story to the movies?  There is no way any member of this committee can believe you. This hearing has been a disgrace all planned by big dog against a little dog.”

“Do you have a question?” River asked.

“A question? No, I don't have a question.  Why would a member of the board that is supposed to be finding the truth have a question?  I have my five minutes to wave my paws in the air, to have my face turn red and show those elected me that I'm here.  Hi Mom.”

The chairman then closed the hearing.

“When can I expect a ruling,” River asked.

“A ruling?” he said.  “No one comes before this board for a ruling. This is Abuse.  Justice is down the hall but they’ve been out of business since 1973.”

This is that is when River realized she may have made a terrible error bring this action forward.

Wordless Wednesday

Beat This Caption

Benny made a lot of money sneaking dogs across the border.

Monday Question

How did you come to live with your parents?

Pocket:  I was born a couple of miles away from where my parents live.  They heard I was available and they drove to get me.  My birth mom lost her husband to cancer.  Her Yorkies weren't fixed and when Birth Mom was otherwise occupied they made little Yorkie including me.  

River:  I was born into a family of champion Griffons.  My birth mom wanted me to be a breeding dog.  I did not take to being a mom and my litter did not survive.  My birth mom knew I needed my own home.  Mommy's groomer knew Mommy was looking for a dog after Foley passed and she told Mommy about the little breeding dog.  Mommy said she would take her.  The groomer flew down to Florida because she was breeding her male dog with one of my sisters.  When she flew home she brought me and here I am.

Liqo is the March 3, 2019 Pup of the Week

I always love meeting new dogs.  But sadly I know when I meet a new dog it means someone has lost a part of their family they loved very much.  

The new arrival is often confused. He is experiencing the worst time of his existence.  Just minutes before he was with those he loved the most. The next thing he knows he is running across the Bridge and up the stairs where he is greeted by a pretty and wise Yorkie who informs them that he has left their parents and become part of the immortal world.   

I would like to share my experiences in meeting a cute little dachshund named Liqo.  All he knew as he bound up the steps towards me was that all the pains that had bothered him recently had disappeared.  He had not felt this youthful in years. But he was a smart dog and knew there was a catch. It was Catch 42. If you wanted to be free of your physical pain, you need to pass over the Bridge, but by passing over, you leave your loved ones in even worse pain.  It's a heck of a catch.

When I informed Liqo that he was now at Rainbow Bridge, he became very concerned. He'd been in pain, and he prayed for it to go away.  “Did I do this? Am I the reason I left my parents?” he cried.

I told him he hadn't.  “Every soul is born with a predetermined amount of heartbeats,” I explained.  “Some squander theirs, some beg, borrow, and plead to get more, but that number of heartbeats always catches up with you.”

Liqo then saw the humans, pets, and other souls who had gone to the Bridge before him running towards us.  Liqo joyfully ran to them. There was much barking and hugging between them.

These angels knew that Liqo was coming and they began to perform two of their sacred duties.  They needed to make Liqo happy and content, while he waited for that day, way in the future when his parents would arrive, and he needed to learn how to spirit visit his family as a small flying creature, and in their dreams.  

Liqo also learned how to watch over his parents.  New angels need to see their parents within a day of arrival. They have to be reassured that their parents are still safe. I showed Liqo how to see his parents in the River of Life which separates the mortal and immortal worlds.  Liqo put his hand in the water trying to touch them. He told me his mom was the most beautiful woman in the world. I told him I agreed. All our moms are the most beautiful in the world.

I went to visit him once he settled into a home that looked much like his parents’ house.  He told me he was from South Africa. I had never met a dog from there before. I asked him what it was like living there and he said fantastic. He began to describe it. I smiled.  Like all dogs, he mostly talked about his house, yard, walk area, and the places he and his parents had shared. All dogs are the same. They may live in the most exotic regions. But when asked to describe it every place sounds the same.  Home, yard and parents. That's a dog's world and all we need.  

Liqo is living a productive, full, life at the Bridge now.  He still has moments of sadness because he misses his parents very much.  But we all do, and we try to visit one another often to help us get over those rough spots.

He also knows his parents are the best dog parents in the world.  He knows it is painful for them to think of getting another dog. But there is some pup out there worthy of their excellent home.  Liqo is sniffing out that new dog now. When he finds it, he will slip into his parents to tell them it's time for them to find another dog and start rebuilding at their hearts.


Liqo knew his parents thought he was a perfect dog.  He tried to live up to their expectations. And now he's trying to be the perfect angel for them. I am sure he will succeed.

Foley Meets Grief

I went for a long walk on Sunday.  I traveled through many villages. I came to the end of the land filled with things that had happened and were yet to be.  Most souls don't travel here. It's a strange and scary place.

I saw something sitting on the side of the road.  It looked like a purple blob. On it's top were two eyes and a mouth.  It had strange fin-like appendages for arms. In one of them, it clenched a Kleenex.

 Every few seconds it dabbed its eyes.  Everyone said if you meet something in this land keep moving. But I couldn't leave a soul who was so sad.

I sat down next it and asked it what was wrong.

“Nothing,” he said “I am just a sad boy,”   I told him that I was sure I could cheer him up.  “Oh please, don't I'll lose my job,” I asked him how he could lose his job by being happy.  “I'm Grief,” he said.

I was taken aback. “Are you the one who caused my friends so much pain and misery when a loved one passes?” I asked.

“Oh no, I couldn't manage all of that.  I'm individual grief. When someone loses a loved one, I am sent to them.”

“Just to make them sad?” I was getting angry at him.

“I don't mean to make them sad; I just remind them of what they lost.  And I go wherever they go. On a train, in the shower, at work, in bed, at Target, I am always with them and always whispering in their ear about who they lost.”

“Why don't you whisper in their ear about good things?”

“Are you daft dog?  That's Happiness’ job.  You don't want to cross Happiness.  She's like a little girl perpetually attending her birthday party and has just been given a Frozen DVD.  Unbearable. And if you cross her, it's like you took the DVD away. Have you ever taken a Frozen DVD from a child?” He shuddered.

I asked him why he didn't remind people how much they loved their lost angel and all the joy they shared.

“That's Love's job.  I don't like Love, he's that friend who finds a new soul mate or has a kid, and fills up your timeline with hundreds of pictures until you just want to scream.  But I will say this for Love. Without him, I wouldn't have a job.”

I could see there was no reasoning with Grief.  I asked him how long he stayed with a person once he was assigned to them.

“All their life,” he said.“I'm a heavy-duty emotion.  I'm not like Happiness or Sadness one of those fleeting emotions that come and goes.  I'm in this for the duration. No one gets over me. At best they just get used to me whispering in their ear about what they've lost until I am just another burden chained to them that they have to drag through life.”

“Occasionally, after they have got used to me, I get through to them, and then whammo I'm back baby, they’re wracked with tears! A few times I get stuck with people grieving dumb things. I spent two years with a guy who was upset the Steelers lost.  I felt like such a putz. He kept whining, ‘If only he hadn't missed the field goal, if only they had called that penalty.’ Pathetic. I wanted to say to him is ‘hey Sally grow a pair.’ But if I mess up this job, I'm going to get reassigned to Rage, or even worse Lust.  Lust is one mixed up dude.”

Suddenly a page sounded.  “That's me,” he said. “Oh God, I hope it's not some crazy football fan.”

Grief faded away like we all wish he would.  I didn't tell him I hoped it was a football fan.  Grief deserves to be miserable.