Tomorrow night my Mommy and Daddy have tickets to go to the Agganis Center at Boston University to listen to the propaganda of the man known to humans as the Dog Whisperer and known to dogs as He Who Shall Not be Whispered.
I have worked nine years of my life to train my parents to understand that I am the Pack Leader, that the couch and the chairs are mine, that when we walk I lead, that I do not come when called; I prefer to screen my calls and come when it is only necessary; and if I bark they are to be summoned immediately.
Now this illegal immigrant is going to ruin it for everyone. I know, he’s legal now, as much of a citizen as you and I, but I still remember the night Lou Dobbs and I were on boarder patrol, and I had a man sneaking across the boarder in my sites, ready to pull the trigger, when I saw a squirrel and became distracted then missed him. As he was running to the safety of America he turned to me and whispered “sucker.”
Lou hasn’t spoken to me since.
So now I pay for the transgression. (Danm squirrels have always been my downfall.) Mommy and Daddy will leave the house Sunday the nice, beautiful people I have always known and loved, and return under the influence of the Whisperer. They will be shushing, and trying to show they own the couch, and insisting we don’t go up until we’re “invited,” wanting us to walk next to them instead of running ahead. It is going to take weeks for Pocket and I to break them out of this trance.
If anyone knows how the deprogram Mommies and Daddies who have come under the influence of this evil Whisperer please let us know. We are going to need all the help we can get.