Saturday, July 24, 2010

Foley's interview with her cousin Bailey

Foley: I am so excited. For the next week my older cousin Bailey will be here. She is 12. She has a profile on TB under Riley and Bailey. It is not very active. Daddy set it up because the grandgirls wanted to go on Tanner Brigade, but if they went on under our names they could shut down the whole site with just a few clicks. They are very destructive. So, since Bailey is here while her family goes to Wally World, I thought this would give you all a wonderful time to get to know her. So Bailey, how are you?

Bailey: I am 12 and tired and miss my Mom.

Foley: Great, how excited are you to be here?

Bailey: Your Daddy was kind enough to turn two pillows on the couch over for me. I am now lying, cuddled up on them.

Foley: What would you be doing if you were home right now?

Bailey: I would be sitting on two pillows on the couch lying, cuddled up.

Foley: Hmmm. How do you like being here with us?

Bailey: I love your Mommy, and I like your Daddy, and you're my favorite dog, but that Pocket. I was watching her tonight. Chasing the ball. Bringing it back. What is the point of that?

Foley: Oh, and she wears that diaper, isn't that funny?

Bailey: I have to wear a diaper to bed at night. I am 12 and get leaks.

(Awkward pause)

Foley: So do you miss your sister dog RIley the American Bull Dog?

Bailey: Oh God!. I hate that dog. Seriously, who has a 12 pound shih tzu and gets a 110 pound American bulldog? First day I tried to go Alpha on her and she picked me up and flipped me across the room.. And she has no manners. She's like Pocket if Pocket was on a football scholarship to the University of Miami. She knocks people over, jumps on them, runs over them, and she sticks her face in random crotches. Sunday night when your Daddy was sitting at the kitchen table she stuck his face right there and your Daddy yelled: "Dog in crotch!" I mean what man wants a dog in their crotch? Except for Mel Gibson.

Foley: How about your little human sisters?

Bailey: Of course I miss them. I love them very much. But only from about six inches or more away. I do not like having my personal space invaded, and those two are space invaders. They always want to hug or kiss or carry me. I'm 12. If you get picked up two or three times a day you now how many times that is over the course of a dozen years? After awhile you just need to be left alone. I don't mind Mommy picking me up, she is real gentle. But little girls, man, there ain't no gentle in little girls.

Foley: So what have you seen in the last 12 years of your life?

Bailey: When I first came to live with my Mommy it was just me, Mommy and Daddy and we were a happy family. Then along came Maddie, and you know, they have less time for you, and that's part of what we know going in. And then the second baby, and the big dog, and sometimes you wish it was just you and Mommy again you know?

Foley: Yeah, you know, you're depressing the crap out of me right now.

Bailey: Sorry. But you know: I come here, and it's quiet and there are no kids, and no big dumb slobbering dog, nobody trying to pick me up, and I get plenty of attention, and all I can think about is how much I miss my Mommy and Daddy and the baby girls. It's nice to spend time with all of you, but I can't wait to go home, I even miss the big dumb slobbering dogs. We're pups, we love our families, no matter what. What can we do?

Foley: I know. We just take one look at their big eyes, their cute little tales, their cute little walks, and we're in love for life. So what are your plans for the next week?

Bailey: Well, I plan to sit on the pillows on the couch, go out and pee, sit on the pillows on the couch, eat, sit on the pillows on the couch, pee, sit on the pillows on the couch, go to bed.

Foley: Last night you didn't want to stay in bed with us.

Bailey: It was my first night. I was a little scared. But I came up in the morning to get your Daddy to take me out to pee and then I spent the rest of the morning there so I guess I'll stay there all night until Mommy comes home.

Foley: There is one thing I have always admired about you. The way you are able to take about three dozen pees when you're outside.

Bailey: I learned that from your sister Blake actually. You see most dogs pee like a machine gun. But I prefer to pee like a single chamber rifle. Pee. Wait. Reload. Pee. Wait. Reload.

Foley: Oh if only I could get some control like that.

Bailey: Well I'm glad to have done this interview Foley. I need to sleep, those kids will be back before we know it.

Foley: Well thank you for the wonderful interview.

Bailey: Oh, and let me say thank you to Zoe Boe's wonderful Mother. Last Christmas your Mommy and Daddy hired her to do a beautiful drawing of me that hangs in our living room, and whenever I'm feeling down because I'm not getting attention I look at it and remember how much I'm loved.

Foley: Well we love you here too Bailey.

Bailey: I love your too Foley, night, night.

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