Saturday, February 18, 2012

Another addition of Foley Monster the Human Whisperer

1)  Start training your humans early on.  While old people can be taught new tricks, it is best to start training your human as soon as you get home.  Whether you are a puppy or a rescue as soon as you get home pee and poop on the floor.  They will not get mad at you because you are either a cute puppy or have gone through so much as a rescue.  Now it is important to remember to continue to pee and poop every few days.  Don’t do it everyday, it is imperative for your parents to believe you are “almost getting it.”  After awhile they will just decide you are “one of those dogs who has accidents now and then” and, if it’s raining, or cold, or you’re just not in the mood, you can go to the bathroom without going outside  

2) Train your human gently and dogely, using positive, motivational methods.  Make sure your tail is always upright and wagging, your nose is always cold and you have a smile on your face.  Be ready to give your human sweet kisses when they fill your water bowl on time, give you treaats and food.  

3) You must get your human to accept that while we love them and do anything they want us to do they are actually our  “hired help”  Also, when we are bored, or need some exercise, and our humans are just sitting on the couch remember that they are a human gymnasium.   We don’t beg at the table.  We are dogs.  We have self respect.  We don’t beg.  We do gently remind our parents that we are here, we are hungry, and we are not going anywhere.  We need to be jumping on visitors to answer to important questions.  (1) Are they armed? and (2) Are they cookied?  We do not demand attention, we just remind you if your hand is just lying there, or doing something silly like playing on the computer or holding a book, it would be much better for their mental and physical health to scratch or pet us.  We should not ignore our parents commands, but we should take them under advisement.  Some humans think if we don’t listen to them inside we won’t  listen to you outside.  This is foolish.  We listen to you outside because all we want to do is get back inside where we don’t have to listen to you.  .

4) Avoid trying to get your parents to do things just for vicks and giggles.  If you manipulate your parents into doing something it has to be something you want them to do all the time.  If you have them do silly things for you they will catch on and not to anything.  .

5) One bark should equal one response, so give your human only one bark (twice max!)  Repeat barking tunes your human out (as does nagging) and teaches your humans that the first barl is enough.  

6) Avoid giving your humans combined commands which are incompatible. Combined commands such as "feed me-treat me" can confuse your human.   Using this example, say either "feed me or "give me treat". The command "feed me-give me treat" simply doesn't exist.

7) When giving your human a command, avoid using a sharp bark. Even if your human is especially independent/unresponsive, your tone of bark when issuing an obedience command such as "feed me,” “take me" or ""give me lap, should be calm and authoritative, rather than sharp or loud.

NOTE: Many dogs complain that their humans are "stubborn", and that they "refuse to listen" when given a command. Before blaming the human when he or she doesn't respond to a bark, one must determine whether or not: a) the human  knows what the dog wants, b) he/she knows how to comply,  c) he ir she is not simply being unresponsive due to fear, stress or confusion. d) he or she is on Ritalin e) he or she is just stupid.  If it is e relax.  You will prevail in time.

8 ) Whenever possible, give licks positively, rather than using it in conjunction to reprimands, warnings or punishment. Your human should trust that when it is licked  good things happen, like sepsis.

9) Correct or, better yet, prevent the (mis)behavior, don't bite or snarl at your human.  . Teaching and communication is what it's all about, not getting even with your human. If you're taking an "it's-you-against-your human, tail whip 'em into shape" approach, you'll undermine your relationship, while missing out on all the fun that a motivational training approach can offer. Additionally, after-the-bark discipline does NOT work.  But between two consenting dogs under the covers in the middle of the night can be fun.

10) When training one's human, whether praising or correcting, good timing is essential. Take the following example:  Your Mom has prepared a platter of hors d'oeuvres for a small dinner party, which they’ve left on the kitchen counter. Your walk into the room and smell the hors d'oeuvres. You air-sniff, then eyes the food, and are poised to jump up. This is the time to fart.  What is even better is work on releasing delayed farts.  Farts are just bubbles of gas.  If you can release one in the bedroom, then run into the kitchen just before your fart bubble pops in the bedroom, your human will go into the bedroom to smell the situation (or The Situation who smells like farts, so I hear) and you eat the hors d’oeuvres then run into the living room, sit on the couch, and when she notices the hors d’oeuvres are missing, nod at Daddy and say Ja Accuse/

11) Often, dogs inadvertently reinforce their humans’' misbehavior, by giving their humans lots of attention (albeit negative attention) when they aren’t feeding you or aren’t playing with you.  Needless to say, if your human receives lots of attention when they won’t let you jump on them, that behavior is being reinforced, and is therefor likely to be repeated.

12) Keep a lid on your anger. Never train your human when you're feeling grouchy or tired.  Earning your human's respect is never accomplished by biting,snapping or peeing on your human’s shoes.  . Moreover, studies have shown that fear and stress inhibit the learning process.

Good luck


  1. What a great list!

    I'll share it with Elka, but really, she doesn't need much reminding to be sweet as pie. Perhaps I'll take extra care to remember your advice for myself, though!

  2. Great tips! I spend a whole lot of time training my Mama and it seems like a dog's word is never done!

  3. You are so wise,Thank you for sharing these tips, very useful.
    Pintus, Rain & Junior