Thursday, January 30, 2020
Pocket Leads the Three Wise Pups as They Visit the Green Puppy
There has long been a myth in the dog world: Someday, a pup would be born, green of color, and his birth would signal the age of man had ended and the time of the dogs had begun.
Many scoffed at the prophecy. We dogs were put on Earth to support humans, not to rule over them. But, others have seen changes in the world, forecasting the rise of the Green Pup. Recently some of us have been allowed to go inside the mall, the supermarket and even ride in the human part of airplanes. Many say this is the first sign that dogs will ascend to power, and they began awaiting the birth of the Green Puppy. I remained a skeptic.
But then word spread through the land that the Green Puppy had been born in North Carolina, the Bethlehem of the Western world. We knew that three wise dogs were needed to travel to the Holy Land and bear witness to the Green Messiah’s birth.
River and I asked our friend Toby to join us. We brought with us gifts for the newborn: Gold, frankincense, and bone. Before we departed, I read the sacred texts, and it called on us follow the flickering light in the southern sky. I saw the heavenly grow on the horizon and traveled towards it. It turned out to be the lights from an abandoned K-Mart off the interstate.
It took us a day to reach the Green Pup’s place of birth. We, after we were recognized as wise dogs were allowed access. The Green Pup was sleeping on a pillow made of straw. “He really is green,” I said.
“As the prophecy foretold,” River Song said.
“He smells like poo,” Toby responded.
I was never good at picking wise dogs
The little German Shepard yawned. His birth mother gingerly came into the room. “Are you the three wise dogs?” she asked. We said we were. “And what have you brought for him?” We told her gold, frankincense, and bone. “What the hell he supposed to do with frankincense?” she asked. We didn’t know. They were the only things available at the airport duty-free shop.
The little dog began to stir. We all knelt closely by him to hear what wisdom he had to offer. He yawned, stretched, and spoke. “Feed me, Seymour!” he barked. Who was Seymour?
“I have a cookie in my beard,” River offered. I told her that the puppy needed food that had been carefully inspected.
"Give me a cookie!" The Shepard demanded, ripped it from River's beard then scoffed it down.
His mom laid down and let the baby feed. It was a beautiful sight, except from our vantage point. We were provided an angle which made this natural bodily function inexplicably hideous. Breast-feeding is totally a point of view, kind of thing. When they were done, a curious Toby inquired about the immaculate conception. “I wish,” the Green Pup's mom said. “It happened behind the garage, and when it was done, I had to get my knees washed.”
The front door opened, and the doctor came in. We gave him a wide berth. The health of the messiah was paramount to us. Green Pup's human mom came into the room, and they began discussing why the puppy was green. I smiled to myself. A human would never understand.
The doctor said the green color came from meconium.
“What’s that?” I asked.
He explained that the puppy pooped during the birthing process. This made his fur green. It should fade in a few days.
“I knew he smelled like poop!” Toby barked.
“No! I’m the savior! Bring me gifts!” the puppy cried.
I checked the pup’s backside. It was already turning yellow. Soon he would be a properly colored pup. The prophecy remained unfulfilled.
We decided to return home. We tried to gather the gifts, but the entire litter growled as us. We left them.
It was an eventful day, and we learned a valuable lesson.
Not all green pups are alike.