Politicians recognize that dogs influence people. It is hard to get elected without our endorsement, so we are starting to be invited to sit down with officeholders to help them keep their death grip on their elected positions and improve our lives.
Thanks to being my sister and featured on my blog, River has become a prominent figure on social media. When one embattled politician figured a dog endorsement would strengthen his place in the polls, he contacted River. That is how she got to meet Andrew Cuomo.
I have always encouraged my sisters to be risk-takers. That strategy brought me happiness and glory, and if they show some guts, my sisters can have that too. But I was worried this Cuomo guy could be more than even River could handle.
Before River went, I told her to be careful because the governor had a reputation for being “handsy,” but, as usual, the stubborn Griffon sister did not listen. River scoffed at my worries. “It will be fine; I like a good rub.” I knew they both would.
River arrived for her meeting at the governor’s office in Albany. Cuomo had sent a limo for her. She was escorted by two of his Dobermans into the waiting area. She was given water, a bone to chew on, and some bacon. River was sure she made the right choice.
The door opened, and River was invited into the office. The Governor was sitting behind his desk, and River took the chair opposite him. “Wouldn’t you rather sit on my lap?” he asked. River loves a lap, even a puffy one like the governors, and she happily jumped down on him and curled up.
The Governor put a gentle hand on River and slowly stroked her fur while River told him that, even with his killing of those people in the nursing home, he would easily be reelected if he offered free health care for dogs. During her speech, Cuomo continued to stroke closer to her tail and then Hello! Something wasn’t right.
River jumped up, her customary frown even more pronounced, and shouted, “Excuse me!” The governor looked confused. “You were getting familiar with my anal glands,” River accused.
“No, no,” the dirty governor pled his innocence. “I noticed that your anal glands were a little impacted and squeezed them. I hope you experienced some relief.”
“My anal glands are on the surface, sir,” River charged. “I think you were knuckle deep up my butt. It felt like the vet used the Great Dane rectal thermometer to take my temperature.”
“I have never touched a dog inappropriately in my life!” the Governor insisted. Just then, a cat startled them both by jumping on his desk and taking a swart at Cuomo. “Now, I’ve done it with cats, sure, but who hasn’t?”
River left his office in a huff, which is how she leaves everywhere, but the governor didn’t know and assumed he was in trouble again. The Doberman stopped River at the door and forced her to sign a non-disclosure form stating that she could not speak to a living soul about what had occurred.
My sister kept her word and didn’t say a word to a living soul, but that doesn’t apply to me. I am under no such agreement. So now the world knows the truth. I am sure the Governor will have his own story. The dirtier men are, the more desperate they will be to keep power and lie for it.It doesn’t need to be said, but the governor will not be getting the coveted dog endorsement.