Today is talk like
a pirate day. While I am too dignified to speak in that particular
vernacular, I did have occasion to do so when I was tasked with moving
the golden bone, originally chewed on by the first dog, down the river.
Evil minions had regained their angel form and had promised to purloin
the artifact.
We set sail, and before the sunset over our bow, a
pirate boat arose on our port side. We were able to repel their advance.
Unable to secure cannon balls because angels supposedly don't need
weapons, we fired my collection of watermelons, which put their Captain,
McDaniels, in retreat after one of our projectiles exploded on the
stern, sending a seed into the skipper's one good eye. I ordered my
mates to "make all sail," and we sped away like a waterbug on a
birdbath.
We had been at sea several days and were getting hungry
when a flock of chickens appeared across our bow, and while I smelled a
trap, my crew did not listen and set sail towards birds, who had been
fired from McDaniels ship, and put holes in our side. I was appalled;
retaliating from a mere watermelon attack with chickens certainly raised
the stakes.
We had to take refuge at an island, and it was there
that McDaniels caught us and demanded the treasure: "Ahoy, vast maties,
give us the royal bones, or we shall skewer you."
I needed to show these pirates that I could talk like them: "Well, old chap, I must say, your demands are beyond the pale."
"Psst," Private Pocket signaled me. "That isn't pirate; that's British."
I nodded and continued: "Well, Blarney, aren't you a lucky little leprechaun."
Pocket shook her head. "That's Irish," she whispered.
Well, this was getting to be a challenging piece of mutton. "So, you boys need to get outta here, or we'll whack you, capisce?"
"That's New York Italian," Pocket informed me.
I
held up my paw and asked McDaniels and his men to give me one second. I
took my English to the pirate dictionary and began reading it when the
impatient marauder slapped my hand.
"Si, senor, por favor," I said, apparently, once again, getting it wrong.
"We
should run them through," one of the pirates said, and I was sure we
had met our end, at least in their bodies, which was one of my
favorites. It was my pirate body with special padding in the booty.
"Isn't that your ship?" Pocket asked.
During
our interrogation, Captain Foley, who had been following us in her
vessel, had raided the pirate ship and was now floating away with the
treasure stranding the pirates and seemingly us.
But Pocket and I
had one more weapon to fire. We pooped, spun round, and back kicked our
droppings sending the pirates running. Foley had sent a row boot manned
by two of our crew to shore, and we could jump in and be taken to
Foley's ship; then, we brought the royal bone to its new home.
Back
in our house, I was so inspired by the pirates and their talk that I
decided to speak as they did at bedtime. "Night, night, sleep tight,
don't let the bed bugs bite."
Well, I've got a year to work on it.
Featuring the exploits of Ruby Rose, Foley Monster's Tails From Rainbow Bridge, and co-starring Angels Pocket and River Song. We always try to leave you between a laugh and a tear
Monday, September 19, 2022
On Talk Like a Pirate Day Angel River Song Tries and Fails
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Are you a trip hazard? Have your parents ever tripped over you? How often? Did anyone get injured
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This is an excerpt from Pocket’s soon to be released best selling book “Going Rougff.” When I announced my candidacy for the Senate people...
Shiver my timbers! Ruby your tail, er tale, made us all laugh! We LOVE that you can speak in tongues! As Canadians who use many of the same words but spell them differently which causes some consternation among our furrends! Keep on being awesome! Purrs Captain Fishbait Magee (Marv)
ReplyDeleteBOL BOL!
ReplyDeleteThat be super Duper Hilarious!! 'Ik heb me dol gelachen'...and now you can say you can read Dutch, cause 'I laughed myself silly!' We are not the best pirates either, did you see that silly grin on Benji...what a swab!
ReplyDeletehahahaha what a super story... please write a book...or make a movie....
ReplyDelete"I'll probably kill you in the morning." Said The Dread Pirate Robert to Wesley.
ReplyDeleteBoy, you two SURE know how to handle things! I'm impressed. BTW, thank you for your kind and loving words on Katie's bloggie. Both she and me...we are grateful. XX
ReplyDeleteRuby Rose from the first time I saw your photo I knew you would be a take charge kinda gal
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
Well done. I didn't have a doubt.
ReplyDeleteHave a woof woof day, Ruby Rose. My best to your mom. ♥
My goodness! Quite the adventure! We enjoyed the story!
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