Sunday, September 18, 2022

The Ruby Rose Report September 18, 2022

 

This week, I had a close encounter with a recliner that tried to eat me.
 

I know you're saying that couldn't happen, but believe me, it did and profoundly impacted my life. I shall never fully trust furniture again.

There are three recliners in our living room. One belongs to my Mom and me, one to my Dad and me, and one to me. It is where I go to chew my bones and play with my toys. I had no idea it was alive and hungry for a puppy.
 
The incident began with me innocently sitting on the recliner chewing a bone when I stretched my back legs and felt something plastic on my paw. As soon as I hit it, the angry chair began to vibrate as if I had awoken a horrible beast.
 
I jumped down in fear of my life. The beast vibrated, letting out an awful yawp as the footrest rose, ready to snap up whatever was on the seat cushion. While mourning my seemingly lost bone, I looked at my parents, and all the fools did was laugh. Were they in on it too? Was the fabric stretched across the chair created by Audrey III, the Little Shop of Horrors plant? Did they fatten me up to feed their chair? I barked at my parents to do something, then saw a loose kibble under the leg lift. "Hold everything," I said, then ran under the chair and ate the kibble. I may have been scared and scarred, but kibble was kibble. After I ate it, I motioned for everyone to carry on with the death-defying drama.
 
Finally, my Dad took action by walking towards the beast, picking up what looked like a remote control and first pressing a button which caused the chair to lower its foot jaw and then stopped it vibrating. He patted me and told me I was a funny dog. I was highly insulted, but thankfully, he had laughed so long he got the hiccups for an hour,  which was sweet revenge.
 
I stood at the chair for a minute. It seemed to have settled, and I am not a dog who gets who gives into fear, so I jumped back up on the chair and went back on it to enjoy my bone.
 
But I will never forget that this chair tried to eat me, and I will be on God for the vibrating and leg lifting to start again.
 
Personally, I just unplug that thing,
 
But no one listens to the Griffon.
 
Even a baby boss like me.

15 comments:

  1. You poor baby… those monster chairs are known for eating small dogs. Glad you survived, sweet baby.

    ReplyDelete
  2. From Jax and Chipper!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Poor Ruby! Just wait until you meet the evil washer! Call me and I will help you yark at all the evil household "things" that scare all of us little dogs!
    Shadow

    ReplyDelete
  4. MJF barked at the coffee maker when it was new and making its gurgling noises. BOL! We barked and worried about all the uniformed peeps who came in here and stole our pawppy a few weeks ago...at least petcretary was smart and followed them and stole him back:)

    Those chairs are here, too...butt they don't vibrate, else we would have even more stuff to be on guard about.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ruby Rose glad you didn’t let your fear of it stop you from getting back up here.if that is your chair then would’ve wise to unplug it. So proud ud ofit and even finding a kibble undercutting retrievehe kibble. Love you Dallasband Belle

    ReplyDelete
  6. someone as to feed that recliner so he will no longer attack cute little pups....

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm glad you survived that evil chair. You've got to be careful and your peeps know that too.

    Have a woof woof day and week. My best to your peeps. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  8. Gosh Ruby, you clearly have a fancier (and more aggressive) recliner than the one in our house!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh Ruby Rose I 100% believe that recliner's can eat a pup or kit.
    Years ago I was trying to get our first cat into his carrier for an annual check up. He went into the flap of fabric at the back of the recliner then into the bowels of the recliner. I had to cancel his appt.that day
    Hugs cecilia

    ReplyDelete
  10. That is awful. I am glad you survived.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dang, it really is scary when the furniture turns on you!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh no! How can you ever trust furniture again? I think your people need to buy all new things, and they should all be for You and none of them should vibrate. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My goodness, that must have been so scary for a little pup like you Ruby Rose!

    ReplyDelete

Foley's Tails from Rainbow Bridge: About that eclipse

  All I wanted was a new bench for my chambers. I ordered it from Judges’r’us and paid a premium to have it delivered. My mistake was hiri...