A Foley Monster Tales From Rainbow Bridge Flashback: November 9, 2009 - Gina

 

So....Sometimes Moms go the the Bridge first.

I guess I knew this.  MacDougal's Dad went to the Bridge before he did.  That makes me sad.  I don't want my Dad to go anywhere.  But MacDougal's Mom is still giving him a great life.  In the last year, he has seen half the world.

But I never thought about Moms going first. I can't think about my Mom going first. It would be like the Earth disappearing beneath my feet and I would just fall, fall, fall, for the rest of my days, until I landed once again in her tender arms.

But yesterday Sota's and Freddy's Mom Gina went to the Bridge first.  She had contracted that bad C disease and it took her long before any of us were ready to let her go.

I have spent many blogs comforting Moms who have lost their pups, but I don't know what to say to a pup who lost their Mom.  I search under everything but can't find the words.  Maybe they're behind that damn Christmas tree Mommy put up in the dining room.  I think I can't find the words because they scare me.  If I didn't have my Mom...I'd rather be at the Bridge with her than here without her.

My friends Sota and Freddy, I don't have a lot of experience here.  I believe though, that, if you use your sniffer's extra strong, you will be able to smell her wherever you go, if you use those alert ears of yours with wonderful sensitivity, you will hear her voice; if you awake and you feel a warmth next to you, it will be her body.  I think you have an unbreakable bond that not even death can break.  You are a dog and Mom.  What could be stronger?

I know lots of our human parents are working on finding a good home for you.  I heard Tommy Tunes's wonderful Dad say he would take Freddy.  Oh, it will be so good to be able to keep up with her. I just wanted to say you were very good friends to all of us here.  Sota, if you don't go to one of our families we will miss you.  We pray you find a Mom as equally good as yours.  I can't imagine you finding a better one.  Good luck, goodbye, my friend.  Your hearts will always be filled with our love.

And Pepsi, don't feel guilty about being the happiest Pup at the Bridge.  Although we have all been crying here since yesterday morning the thought of your reunion with your heart Mom makes us swell with such joy.  Your two hearts have been linked as one again.  Although I know, without your earthly typist, we won't be able to talk anymore, and this breaks our hearts, we know you are with your beloved, and your page will be here forever on the Tanner Brigade where we can stop by and tell you how much we love you, even when we know you can't answer.

I can't remember the first time I spoke with Pepsi.  Mommy remembers her last comment to her on Human Book.  She always was trying to make her smile.  Pepsi's Mom was very sick from the chemo.  Mommy said she would send Willie Nelson with lots of pot for her.  She doesn't know if it made her smile.  She doesn't even know if she read it.  I am staying close to Mom today.  We both very much wish we could make her laugh one more time.

I remember, back on DS, Pepsi's Mom would talk about the problems she was having with her life:  her divorce, having to find a new place to live, splitting up her pups.  Mommy didn't want her to leave the house, and neither did lots of Moms, but she did.  She seemed to spend a lot of time swimming against the tide but she always managed to keep her head above water.  The first comment we can remember making to her was when Pepsi was very excited over something and we told her not to get too shaken up or she would fizz over.

Sometimes we didn't see eye to eye with Pepsi and her Mom.  There were things some folks did that we couldn't forgive.  But Pepsi and her Mom Gina always could.  "Why does she have anything to do with him?" we would ask.  The more we got to know her, the more we understood, it was because, even if she couldn't see it, she believed there was good in people, and she never gave up believing that.

When we formed the Brigade she joined us and fought nobly.  She was always there with a kind word when one of us was sick or had passed, she could usually raise a smile with a sharp comment, and always put the funniest, most non-sensequel tags on her blogs.

I have never seen a person's life erode like Pepsi's Mom.  First, she got diagnosed with stomach cancer.  Then, too ill to properly watch playful little Pepsi, her heart dog got into something she shouldn't have eaten, and the damage she did was too much.  Pepsi went to Rainbow Bridge just when her Mom needed her the most.

I don't know many Mommies who could carry on after all this, and yet Pepsi's Mom Gina still did.  Cancer was with her everywhere she went.  It brought pain, nausea, weight loss, loss of energy, and the end of everything that made her life her life.  But she still fought.  My Mom gave her some advice from a song called Wrecking Ball.  Don't let go of your anger and don't give in to your fear.  She never did either.

Even in her darkest moments Gina always apologized; and questioned if it was appropriate to post what she wondered would be seen as whining, and despite our many responses to the contrary, that doubt always lingered in her mind.  We always tried to make her smile.   She once asked us if people were laughing with her or at her.  We assured her it was with her.  No one would laugh at her, lest they get a fist full of Gina in their mouth.

In her last posting on Humanbook she said she wanted some real food for Thanksgiving.  I don't think she got her wish.  She was brought to a hospice, slipped into a coma, and died Saturday morning.  Her eyes were donated so someone else could see, one last generous act and I wonder how that lucky recipient will see the world through Gina's eyes.

At least that person will have a small piece of her.   Special thanks to Matilda's Mom Nancy who got the sad word Saturday and shared it with us; and Koly and Felix's Mom Jodi who has worked hard all weekend to find homes for her two left-behind pups.

For a pup who didn't think she had a lot of words to express on the subject I certainly have used a lot, haven't I?  That was the thing about Pepsi's Mom Gina.  On the surface, you would think there would only be a few words needed to describe her, but when you were done, you found there weren't enough.

I leave you with the words of someone else.  I think to those who knew her you will find them fitting.  And when we look up into the sky tonight there will be two stars, one a little larger than the other, and they will be Pepsi and Gina, shining a light on us.

Goodnight my friend.