Friday, September 13, 2024

The Ruby Rose Report: The Scarecrow Invasioin

 Stuff-a-Scarecrow Couple Decorating Kit - 2 Pc. | Oriental Trading

As soon as the weather turns colder they invade, taking positions in yards, in front of fences, or gardens. They are made of straw, with fixed expressions of terror on their faces standing as still as Beefeater. I am the only one who can see them. I am certainly the only one bothered.

They arrive in their spaceships, which take the form of pumpkins and are always nearby in case they need to flee. Some of them announce their intentions with horrific faces carved into their ships. The most outrageous of them even leave a fire burning in their them, or, if they are being economical, an orange light.

While we sleep they go on their killing rampage, either taking the lives of humans, as evidenced by the skeletons they leave rotting in the yard, the straw that the victims that were once their brethren is strewn about as a warning to others.

I have been studying them to learn their wicked ways. I believe, when they age, they shrivel up so small they are put into plant holders, at least the females, because they call the potted plants their mums.

What kind of race puts their mums in planters?

They are growing in nummers. They incubate in the hay, tightly compacted bales, that they keep nearby too, until they need reinforcements.

We can take action against their bodies but it will not stop them because their brains can exist outside their bodies in units they call gourds.

 They feed off our vegetation and can eviscerate our trees leaving nothing but stalks that they again, show of as a warning to the other trees that resistance is futile. The same is true of corn. Their kernels are turned into different colors, and hung on doors, for the scarecrows to eat.

When they conquer a land they hang their flags on front doors. They are shaped as wreaths composed of brown, orange and red leaves and flowers. They are a signal. If you come to this house we will knock the stuffing out of you.

The invasion will continue until the end of October, at which point they will get into their pumpkins and leave, before the invasion of snowmen, reindeers, and Santa.

And people will continue to turn a blind eye to the invasion. 

But not us dogs, we are always on patrol, barking our warnings, even if our parents tell us it is nothing.

We know better.

10 comments:

  1. And if they only had a brain...

    They could while away the hours...
    Conferring with the flowers...

    H&K&W,
    Willow

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for your vigilance, Ruby and The Doggo Nation.
    We humans need to be protected!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm glad you are on duty and guarding against the invasion!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank goodness your peeps have you to keep them safe, Ruby!

    ReplyDelete
  5. How can something so cute be so bad?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Willow's comment cracks us up.

    Woos - Misty and Timber

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's a good job mew're on the case, and if mew need any back up, just call, we can be there in minutes in the TTTB, ready to assist and if necessary, use any kind of force - should it be required - to vanquish said threat. Guys, mew know where we are!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Java Bean: "Ayyy, I had no idea this was going on! Has anyone tried peeing on them? That's my usual approach to ... Well, everything, really."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi hi hi! Ojo here! We don't have those things invading here! But do you know what does invade this part of the world? Pumpkins with scary faces! I don't like those! (They smell a bit like food, but they taste yucky, and their faces are Bad!)

    I agree with Java Bean, I think pee is the answer to your invasion.

    ReplyDelete

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