I had a visit from Foley in my dreams, which is never a good thing. Foley doesn't just come by to say hi
"I've read your Ask Miss Ruby blog and your postingd about the gardens, but our audience wants to know about you."
I was afraid of this.
The truth is, I lead a boring, average life. Every morning occurs the following way.
I wake up and eat at 6:45 AM. I try to scurry further down the bed, but my dad, the early riser, blindly reaches in to find me under the covers. Sometimes I sleep on my back, with my head near the foot of the bed, which leads to Daddy accidentally touching my nether regions. It does wake me up. He, being an overly polite man, apologizes. It's like getting wake-up service at Trump Tower.
I reluctantly climb out of bed, and then lay down on the rug by the door. I have never done my business outside, preferring to do it on the pads in the laundry room. I do feel for my fellow dogs who are flushed outside in the cold and wet to perform like circus freaks in a bus station bathroom. Because of this, I am in no hurry to relieve myself
Daddy goes in the bedroom, he says, to do his exercises, but when I look under the door he’s lying on the floor doing eyelids raising and lowering exercises. Then he showers while Mommy cleans the kitchen and I sit on my perch on the back of the couch.
When he comes out it is breakfast time. My parents eat while I sit on the floor waiting for my treats. I don’t want what they eat, I want my bacon treats, and they must be cut into small squares. If they aren’t I refuse to eat them. And get this: They stop eating and cut my treats to the proper size. That is how much control I have over these people. I promise I will never use the power for evil.
After they are done it is time for me to eat: I have kibble, with a small amount of water, lightly heated, with refrigerated human-like wet food. It is served, and I have my collar removed because if the tags hit my bowl I get distracted and stop eating.
Then, and only then, do I relieve myself.
And that is my typical morning.
Foley tells me I am spoiled, but I don’t see it.
You have a very nice morning routine, Ruby, but I do have to say that I like peeing outside. You never know what yummy tidbit you can find in the grass!
ReplyDeleteYou have a great morning routine, Ruby Rose. We would like to get some bacon treats before our breakfast too. Our life is pretty boring too.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't sound spoiled to me either, pretty darn normal!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a life most dogs would love to have.
ReplyDeleteRoutine is a good thing, Ruby. We do think you are spoiled but we are too, and there is nothing wrong with that:)
ReplyDeleteWoos - Misty and Timber
I too do breakfast first then 'business'.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't get bacon (which I would be happy to eat even if it wasn't sliced up), more's the pity
Toodle-oo!
Nobby.
Very spoiled. Mom goes bonkers over accidents in the house. But we do have our very own dog door so we can go and come as we please now. And no bacon for us, at least most of the time. ~Fenris & Lady
ReplyDeleteHi hi hi! Ojo here! That sounds like a pretty good morning!
ReplyDelete