Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Foley Monster live blogs her walk

Hi, Foley here. I just got into my Daddy's car and we are going over to the State Mental Institution for a walk. I've decided to do a live blog like some bloggers do at sporting events or awards shows. Are you ready?

OK. Daddy is parking the car. Time for Pocket and me to speak up: "LET US OUT. LET US OUT. LET US OUT. LET US OUT. LET US OUT."

Old cranky bones finally makes it over, opens the door and we're out, with Pocket in the lead. I'm doing my best to keep up with skinny butt. We make it over the to grass. We both squat down. OH the sweet release of pee. OK, time to switch up, she goes to mine, I go to hers, squat and pee again. Oh, it's on, pissing match! We go back to pee on our original source and OH NO some force is pulling us away. Wait, oh, it's Daddy. He is ruining all his fun but what does he know he pees indoosr?. OK, we're both walking on the cool green grass. It is humid out and I am already panting. Then we come to the pine trees.

I come to an acorn and call Pocket over. I tell her to sniff it. I tell her that the people who come here spray it with acorn scented Febreeze to make it smell this good. We sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, NO BEING PULLED AGAIN BY THIS STRANGE SIDEWAYS GRAVITY.

Daddy is making us walk again. We are on the short leash that doesn't let us stray and we're bouncing off one another. Then we look up and we smell prunes. Crazy prunes. And there he is, an old, shriveled, criminally insane mental patient. "HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY" Pocket and I yell when suddenly we are pulled by the backward pulling gravity. Great, our one chance to smell an old crazy mental patient and there goes that gravity again pulling us away.

Come on Daddy, what are the chance of us running into a smelly, old, criminally insane man? Oh well,
we're walking in the other direction, on the sidewalk towards the green grass, and now it's so cool under my feet and it's tickling my toes. Pocket and I are getting ready for squirrel chasing, and, uh-oh bowel movement. Give me one minute please.

Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, dum dum dum dum dum, de dum de dum de, dum de dum, dum dum dum de dum, dum, de dum, de dum de dum, dum de dum de dum de dum, dum dum dum de dum, de dum de dum, dum de dum de dum de dum, dum, dum dum, dum dum,
dum dum.

OK and we're back on the side walk walking towards the main building. We're crossing the street and up by the seats where there are lots of crazy human smells. I try not let Pocket smell too much. We are then making a left paw and heading towards the dumpster where lots of squirrels hang out, but what is this, Daddy won't let us
investigate the dumpster because there is trash. Oh man, I am never going to get a squirrel this way.

We're now walking along the front of the south facing building, and, pant, I am, pant, getting a little tired, pant, because it is hot, pant pant, and I think I am going to try and hang back, pant, pant, and let Pocket's skinny little butt pull me along. I am settling in for a nice walk, as we come up to the trees, and it is shady now, and less hot. And, squirrel!

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run. Where'd it go? Where'd it go? Pocket did you see it? Where is it? I can sniff it? Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff. The smell ends at this tree. You know what that means, it's under the tree! We need to dig.

Oh man we're being pulled again. Next time squirrel. You can run but you can't climb trees! OK, pant, pant, pant, moving on. Pocket's over by a tree, and oh! We've got tree mail! Let's see, the lab from down the street changed his diet, and his cousin is coming to visit. Timmy is getting groomed next week. Bucky has to get his teeth done. And....oh more, gravity pull again. Hey! I'm in the middle of the mail here.

Getting tired now. Pant, pant, pant. And Pocket is speeding up. I hate being connected to her. It's like the Defiant One if Sidney Poitier was an idiot. And and now she is smelling poo. That is so gross. Oh wait it's my poo. It's beautiful, beautiful. Daddy gives us a yank so she won't eat the poo. I won't go near it. I don't eat my on poo. Who wants to eat what they had yesterday?

And there's the car. Thank God. Pant pant pant. Daddy opens the car door. Pocket jumps in, and drags my big butt up there. Put the air conditioner on. Put the air conditioner on. Put the air conditioner on. Very good sir. Now home Jeeves, there is a lap waiting for me.

1 comment:

  1. BOL!!! This is such a cute story! I love the "live" reporting! Thank you for always keeping us amused! Love, Blazer & Mom


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