Pocket: Foley, I talked with Mommy and there is something we need to discuss.
Foley: I have told you to stop texting me.
Pocket: I know but I am afraid if I have this conversation with you in person you will nip me.
Foley: Well hurry up. I am in the middle of a game of Paws With Words with Logan.
Pocket: Mommy, Daddy and I think you have become a Dumba.
Foley: Are you calling me dumb?
Pocket: No. You know what a Rumba is?
Foley: It’s one of those freaky little spaceships things that clean the floor.
Pocket: Well Mommy and me think you’re the dog version of that.
Foley: What is the supposed to mean?
Pocket: Because you spend half the night licking the floors.
Foley: Oh that is not true.
Pocket: It is Foley. You have a lick addiction.
Foley: I do not!
Pocket: After we go out for our 9:00 PM pee you begin to lick the entire house. You start on the kitchen floor, then you move to the living room rug and hardwood floor.
Foley: Oh that is an exaggeration.
Pocket: It is not, you’re a serial licker. You lick here, you lick there, once I caught you licking Daddy’s underwear.
Foley: Oh well you lick your own butt.
Pocket: Oh so do you. Licking our butt is what separates us from the lower species.
Foley: That and the lower species pick up our crap and give us room and board for free.
Pocket: Don’t change the subject. We need to get back to your serial licker.
Foley: I do it to help Mommy clean the floors.
Pocket: Aha! Then you are a Dumba. And Mommy does not need help cleaning the floors. Her floors are so clean you can eat of them.
Foley: Well we do.
Pocket: True. But Mommy and I are concerned about your licking.
Foley: I like to lick. I like the taste of things. Sometimes you find little crumbs of food.
Pocket: Dumba! You’re a Dumba!
Foley: I am not dignifying this any more. I am powering down. Oh, and Pocket go lick yourself.
Pocket: At least I’m not licking the bathroom floor.
Note: If you know any dogs who are Dumbas like Foley please have them contact 1-800-DUMBAS. There are Dumba support groups going on around the country. Remember the motto for Dumba Anonymous. Dog’s tongues are to clean our anuses, not our floors.