Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Beast in the Window

Foley: Before I let Pocket tell her version of what has transpired here the past few days let me explain. In the last month Mommy and Daddy have had their kibble savings dwindle down to bits. They have had to replace a dryer and a hot water heater. When the spring temperatures soared they turned on the central air conditioner. After a few brief days of cool air rising from the floor the it stopped. Our parents called in a man to look at the unit.

Pocket: There is a beast who lives under our house. He blows either cold air or hot air through these little grates and I don’t like being blown. If my ball goes near one of the these grates I cry until the ball is moved The beast stopped blowing cold air last week. I was very relieved. But Mommy and Daddy were agitated about it. On Friday they went out and came back with two big boxes.

Foley: The man said that they would have to replace the entire unit.
We live in a modular home so the air conditioner and the furnace are one unit.
If they replaced the air conditioner they would be throwing out a perfectly good furnace. So they bought a couple of window units. After much human foolishness, and words not read in the Bible, the units were in place. They turned them on and blessed cool air was blown forth. The motor was a little loud when the compressor turned on and off but it didn’t bother me none.

Pocket: You know the monster who lives in the floor and blows air on you? It moved into those things that Mommy and Daddy put in the window. It blows air and it makes the most terrible noises. I have tried to warn Mommy and Daddy by barking at them. One of them is right next to our bed. I can’t sleep knowing there is a monster in the window The only place I can sleep is on Mommy’s forehead and for some reason she keeps removing me from my comfy spot.

Foley: The first night I got no sleep. Because my Daddy likes the cold more than my Mommy, and they decided to put the units under the porch overhang, the air conditioner was on Mommy’s side of the bed. so they switched sides. For the first hour of bedtime they accused one another of having big butts which made their former side of the bed slope to the floor. The truth is the bed is divided evenly with them on the sides and Pocket and I in the middle which is like sleeping on a mountain next to two valleys. But when you have to sleep in someone else’s valley it can take some time to get used to.

Pocket: First they put a noisy monster in the window and then when they get into bed Mommy becomes Daddy and Daddy becomes Mommy. Foley says they are just sleeping on different sides but why would they do that? Just to mess with me? So I don’t know what to do. Do I lick Mommy and snuggle with Daddy or lick and snuggle the former and latter? I am just a freaking ball of confusion. I spend most of the day pacing around the bed trying to solve the mystery of slumber.

Foley Monster: The last few night have been cool so we have not turned on the air conditioner. But Pocket still stares at it waiting for it to attack. Mommy and Daddy flipped the mattress and have not complained since, to one another. To me they still complain about the sloping mattress. m The weather will heat up again, the air conditioner will be turned on, and Pocket will shake and pace again. I do not know what to do with her. Does anyone make a thunder shirt for air conditioners? I’m not going to get a good nights sleep all summer.

Pocket: The beast has been quiet the last few days but Mommy and Daddy are still doing the body switching side switching thing. I am starting to get used to it but I don’t like change. And in the middle of the night I stare at the beast in the window to keep it quiet. I don’t know why humans put things in the house to scare us. I hope that beast in the window doesn’t start rumbling me and blowing me but I know it will. I’m not going to get a good nights sleep all summer.


  1. I love the blowy thing. But I am with you about two leggeds and how they can't stick to a good routine. Momma sleeps facing the fireplace. But, because of her shingles thingie she now faces the windows which leaves me...cuddling in the wrong direction. How fair is that? And... Did I even mention that she turns on the fireplace every night? I think she is trying to cook me. Seriously. I would suggest that one of humans should do proper intros between you and the blowy thing, let you sniff it and all when it is quiet. Maybe it would make things easier...

  2. The Battle of the Blowing- it's fought every damned night at Casa de Kolchak. Why do Daddy's like to pretend that the bed is located in the arctic circle? That weirdo Felix loves the thing. He walks right up and sticks his face in it? What the Woof is wrong with him?!

  3. I am not sensitive to noises (except the smoke detector - whoo whee!), but Drubo, mom's doxie before me would always bark at the furnace and the window A/C... heck, from what I've heard she'd bark at falling dust! I am sympathetic to my girls' problems, though, and Pocket, it will be OK, honey. You don't want to roast this summer now do you? Just try and relax and go with the flow (air flow, that is). Love, Big Bro Blazer