Friday, March 13, 2015

Ask Aunt Foley: The Neanderthals

Dear Aunt Foley:  I recently read that dogs sided with humans to help kill off the Neanderthals.  Is there any truth to this? – Wylie Hudson. 

Dear Wylie:  Typical humans:  Blame us for killing off the Neanderthals!  Why not?  We get blamed for everything else.  Do you know why the Neanderthals were killed off?  They were freaking Neanderthals!

OK.  There is a back story.  According to recent “studies” humans domesticated wolves so they became more like dogs, loyal to their humans.  The dogs helped the humans hunt so they did not starve to death.  The Neanderthals did not domesticate wolves, did not have help hunting, and starved.

And why?  Again, they were Neanderthals.  Hey look us dogs tried to play it down the middle.  We offered our services to the Neanderthals.  We handed them a stick and asked them to throw it for us to fetch.  They hit themselves in the head with it.  We caught a wild boar, ripped it’s leg off and presented it to them to eat.  They hit themselves in the head with it.  Neanderthals were our first choice but after all that head hitting we decided to move on to humans. 

But we still tried.  When we would kill something so our humans could eat we would always leave a limb behind so the Neanderthals could eat too but all they would do was sit in a circle around the bone, play spin the femur and suck each other’s faces.

That was the thing with those damn Neanderthals!  No hunting, no gathering, just party all the time.  We warned them, tried to help them, and suddenly we are getting blamed for their dying off.
I tell you, anyone who want accept the love and help from dog is a freaking Neanderthal.


  1. LOL rightly said Neanderthal indeed. Have a super Saturday.
    Best wishes Molly

  2. I saw that article too but not sure I agree. I also saw an article about how Neanderthals are being given a new assessment and probably were not as dumb as originally portrayed. In fact one of the skulls was used to make what the pros thought would be a representation of the Neanderthal's face (they do that with unidentified skulls sometimes to try to identify them.) The result is hidden away in a basement - it looks too much like one of that country's government officials! (I think it might have been Italy) Fun to think about!

  3. Very funny story! It sounds like the neanderthals had lots of fun before they died off :)