I am River Song the Magnificent. No crate or cage can hold me.
On Saturday my parents went shopping. They placed Pocket and me in our separate crates. Pocket accepted her loss of freedom but I never will.
For weeks I had been slowly working on my escape like a Mexican Drug Lord. But instead of digging down I went up. My crate has doors at the top and on the side. Most dogs would try to get out through the side door but not me. I go straight to the top.
On my last visit to the vet not only did I get a case of limes but I was told I needed to lose a pound. My beloved cheese filled Kong became a less beloved carrot filled Kong. But with a slight amount of weight loss I found that I was more nimble and I had regained strength in my back legs
Plus I was blessed with the head like a battering ram. On Saturday I put it to good use. I stood on my now powerful back legs and I put my head against the door at the top and I lifted, pushed and rammed. Slowly the hooks began to give way until they slipped free and I was out.
Did I counter surf for food? Did I rip apart a pillow? Did I break something important? No: I am sad admit that I panicked. I ran back and forth from window to window looking for Mom. Pocket begged me to free her but I kept running around barking: “I gotta find Momma!” I did pee on the floor but that wasn’t my fault. If you don’t want your dog peeing on the floor crate them.
My parents returned home to find me standing up, looking out the kitchen window, my beard covered in excited drool. I was so happy to see them I barked and did the Griffy Dance.
Not wanting to believe in my great talents they deduced that they forgot to latch the top of the crate. They believed that until this morning. I was crated again. As soon as they left I began to use my thick head and well developed leg muscles to get the top door open. Unfortunately my parents were not gone long. When they got home I had one latch open and another ready to give way. I slunked down in my crate. My escape route “Tom” had been discovered.
My parents fortified the doors with bungee cords but I do not fear them. I shall figure out my means of escape in no time or my name is not River Song the El Chapo