Friday, December 17, 2021

Foley's Favorite Christmas Songs

 

Last night we went Christmas Caroling. We don't sing human songs; we prefer our versions. Here are some of my favorite lyrics."

 

"Peein' around the Christmas Tree"

Peein' around the Christmas tree

So much Momma has to mop

Peeing on the pretty wrapped present

Now new presents must be bought." 

 

"All I Want for Christmas"

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

To never go out

To always stay home

To become a COVID shut-in

You don't need a painful booster

You just need to always be with me

 

"Stuffed Anal Gland Christmas"

Have a stuffed anal gland Christmas,

It's the best time of the year

I don't know when they will leak

But I hope it's on Aunt Sally

 

"Dingleberry Rock"

Dingleberry, dingleberry, dingleberry fall.

Dingleberry falls off in bed

O what fun there will be

When Momma finds the Dingleberry come morn."

 

"Steak on Christmas"

I'm dreaming of a steak on Christmas

Grilled to medium-rare

Nice and juicy

A center-cut beauty

Tasting like heaven on my tongue.

 

"The Christmas Song"

Squirrels roasting on an open fire

Butterflies dancing on our nose

Roadside kill being eaten by a pack

And folks are upset when we leave the remains in the snow.

Wild turkeys and Canadian geese

Their poop is the perfect appetizers

Tiny tots lying in warm beds

Will be kept up by our howls of joy

 

"Last Christmas"

Last Christmas, I was in the shelter

But the very next day, adopted me

This year, we'll adopt them all

And give them to someone special

 

"Run Squirrel Run"

Out of all the vermin, you know you are the mastermind

Run, run Squirrel Doggy ain't too far behind

Run, run Squirrel, Puppies going to hunt you down

Puppy, make him hurry, tell him he can take the freeway down

Run, run squirrel cause I'm gonna disembowel you like a hound

 

"What Christmas Means To Me"

Candles burnin' low

Lots of mistletoe

Lots of snow and ice

Everywhere we go

Choirs singin' carols

Right outside my door

All these things and more

Whoa, that's what pisses me off about Christmas 

 

"She's Coming to Town"

You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout

I'm telling you why

Loren Boebert is coming to town

She's burning your books

She's banning your immigrants

Don't tell her that she's crazy because she's packing heat

Loren Boebert is coming to town

 

I hope you enjoyed my songs,

12 comments:

  1. Man, those are some scary tunes!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh My God, what a fabulously unexpected hilarious post! Dad's hitting the cough syrup pretty hard, and these made him snorf it, especially the Boebert idiot one!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You had us at squirrels roasting! LOL BOL!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Those are all good ones, we live your versions lots!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I want to thank you for coming to give your condolences after Tucker died. It's been two weeks already; I can hardly credit that. I will always be grateful for your thoughts on my wonderful boy.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You had us at Stuffed Anal Gland Christmas.....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi friends, Ojo here! Oooh, I can howl along!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ditto ditto ditto ... to every comment above!!! (CLEO GETS A+)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yep, we're with you on the All I Want for Christmas one! XOX Xena and Lucy

    ReplyDelete

The Ruby Rose Report: A Garden of Worry

I am very worried about my garden. Every spring, we venture out to work on the yard, which attracts all our elderly neighbors, who commen...