The Ruby Rose Report: The Clock Strikes Back

 

It was Saturday night at 11 PM, and time for bed. Then my mommy said they should adjust the cocks. Having been neutered, I chose to sit out of this endeavor. Then when I saw them playing with the clocks, I realized it was the most confusing time of the year when our tummies are on one time and the world another.

 

We have a clock over the entryway to the kitchen. Daddy had to stand on a chair unsteadily to hang the clock after adjusting it. Apparently, it is as tired of this foolishness as dogs because the clock struck back.

 

It waited until my dad walked into the kitchen. On his way to the living room, the clock jumped from its hook and hit him in the head. The glass shattered into 87 million places. Daddy said a string of words not fit for late-night HBO, then ran over and picked me up. Even half concussed, he knew what was necessary.

 

Mommy came into the living room and saw the carnage. We don't always understand what our parents say, but we get their looks, and this one said, "what a blooming idiot."

 

Mommy grabbed a dustpan and began to sweep up the tiny shards of glass from the bare floor. Daddy got the Swiffer which mommy told him to put away, and bring her the vacuum. While still holding me in his left hand, he selected the steam cleaner. Honestly, I can't make this kind of incompetence up.

 

Mommy told him it was the steam cleaner and sent him to find the vacuum. He then sat on the couch like a kid who broke a lamp, having to watch someone else clean it up.

 

After a half hour, every shard was removed from the floor, and a new clock was ordered, so we went to bed.

 

Prematurely my parents thought the ordeal was over. But when you mess with clocks, you mess with nature, which is tired of humans trying to curb it to their own demands. Last night our living room became the front lines as nature fought against being sent back in time.

 

Beware humans around the world: Clocks are beginning to mount a counter-offensive. They will attack your head and circuit breakers and shut off electrical systems and car computers. When you set back the sundial each fall because it's the only way to measure time, you will remember you brought this on yourselves.