The Ruby Rose Report December 12, 2022

 

Last week I had my first encounter with the mass psychosis that causes humans to put trees in their houses, then try to improve the grandeur of nature by decorating them. Also, I learned if you remove one of the figurines in the Dickens Village, you are told to drop it, but if you put the baby Jesus in your mouth, you are yelled at like you just stopped the second coming.

My disapproval of the decorating continued this week. On Tuesday night, we lost power, and I was concerned because it happened during my treat ball preparation. Luckily, even by weak candlelight, my parents could still stuff a ball, and soon I bounced it around the house, the same way cave dogs chased their balls in the days of Yore. My parents, device list, watched me enraptured, although, when I was done, and the power returned, I heard them remark that my show had no character development or plot twists. I blame the ball.

When I got the treats out of the ball, which I delayed doing to add suspense for my parent's entertainment, I got tired of performing for them and decided to fix the electrical problem. Since we have never lost power since I moved in the house, and we had just put up the tree with no smell, I deduced it must be the problem. It was probably a bulb problem, so I pulled on the tree, and began to chew it, just as the lights came on, and when they saw me, you would think I was eating a wired in Baby Jesus because they yelled, "leave it" with the same intensity. I dropped it. Jeepers, I was just trying to help.

Of course, I gave them a reason to overreact. They said I could have been electrocuted if their power was on. Well, duh! That's why I removed the bulb, and frankly, since the lights came back on moments after I removed it, I think they should have thanked me.

So, they bought a bunch of nutcracker guards to surround the tree and keep me from getting to it. The first day they arrived, I gave one a sniff, and it leaned over and bipped me on the nose. And my parents laughed!

So, I am leaving the tree alone, but those nutcrackers can't stay upright forever, and when they do, I will be back under the tree, ready to raise a ruckus.