Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Pawnight show with host Foley Monster and guest DS Levi

Pocket: Live from the Tanner Brigade Mansion it's Pawnight Show with your host: Foley Monster along with Hobo Hudson and his all mutt orchestra, accompanied by the beautiful Hattie Mae. Foley's guest tonight is the owner of the DS Castle: Mr. Levi himself. I'm your announcer Pocket Dog. And now here's Foley.

(A shot of Hattie Mae leading the band, and a close up on Hobo
playing the trumpet and then Foley walks from behind the curtain wagging her tail She bows to the audience then jumps up on the love seat. Shethen motions for Pocket who runs up and sits next to her and they both paw to the audience.)

Foley: Thank you. Welcome. You're in for a really great show. We
have Mr Levi from the DS Castle. (Mild booing from the audience.) Now, he was nice enough to come here so I am sure we can give him a
Tanner Brigade welcome. (She turns to Pocket.) How was your weekend?

Pocket: Well you know Mommy and Daddy went to that outdoor
wedding. We didn't get to go and I don't know why. We would have been so good there. And Mommy said she was cold. We could have kept her
warm. It was just such a missed opportunity.

Foley: I could tell when they got home that they were pretty warm from all the Foleytinis they drank?

Pocket: How does drinking keep you warm?

Foley: You know because they're a little silly, you know, stumbly, you know.

Pocket: Oh, bazinga!

Foley: Well let's bring him out because we don't want anything to disappear from the green crate we have
him in. He started a small social network named DS and turned it into a business worth almost hundreds of dollars. Lets give a big Tanner Brigade welcome to DS Levi.

(Small smattering of applause)

Foley: Welcome Levi, nice to have you here.

Levi: Hey, thanks you know, like it's good to be here. Yo, I'm just here to set it straight you know?

Pocket: Not really, no, what the hell are you talking about?

Foley: Relax Pocket. I talk Jersey. Now you have recently said
you would let children into the castle if they pay for a premium membership, what were you thinking there?

Levi: Ok, yo, you know how there's sites where you got adults and kids, and the adults they pretend to be kids to meet kids, well yo, check this out. You see those sites the dudes pay to talk to the kids. You know that's wrong 'cause you know, Dudes shouldn't be paying to talk to kids, that's sick. But yo, check this out. We flipped that mofo. See we got the kids paying to talk with the adults. See the kids are paying to be preyed upon.
That makes it beautiful.

Foley: What do these children get with their premium membership?

Levi: When they hit adulthood, their first three visits to a therapists: totally free, as long as it's not in the US. Plus they are allowed into our most special group made just for adults and kids. It's called Newfoundlands, Akitas. Malteses, Beagles, Labradors,and Affenpinschers. Or NAMBLA.

Foley: Aren't you worried maybe by allowing young children on to the site you might be inviting the wrong type of member?.

Levi: Foley, this is America. There is no such thing in this country as someone who can afford a premium membership being a bad person.

Foley: What other new services are you offering?

Levi: There is our wicked cool premium gold membership for members who have left and we are trying to lure back. You pay us $200.00 and we give you unlimited access to the site between 3:00 AM and 5:00 AM eastern on weekends.

Foley: You recently suspended my friend Zoey for asking for votes in a contest, but you let other pups beg for votes, why was Zoey
singled out?

Levi: Well that was Zoey's fault. She did not buy our Really Awesome Vote for Me membership. If you buy one of them then not only will we allow you to ask for votes, but we automatically add 1,000 votes to your total each day for the price of $18.95 a month.

Foley: Is that fair?

Levi: Of course it's fair Foley. Yo, if someone wants their dog win some whatever cutest, funniest, most hip hop dog contest, then they need to pay me, the Big L. If they don't pay me they lose. Either way I win.

Foley: I recently read a blog post of yours which said that if
people didn't follow the rules you would ban first and ask questions later. Do you think that one strike policy is fair to us pups who sometimes bark without thinking?

Levi: Yo, it sure does. Keeps everyone on their toes. One mistake and they're gone. You don't mess with the Big L.

Foley: Do you think that is fair.

Levi: Sorry, this thread is closed.

Foley: But we have many viewers who want to know....

Levi: I can't hear you, thread closed!

Foley: But about this rule....

Levi: Cut to baby taking off her clothes. Close-up of the sign that says "Thread Closed."

Foley: You just can't say Thread Closed whenever you don't want to talk to someone.

Levi: So we closed our thread and said goodbye to gypsy angel row

Foley: Fine! We'll let it go. God, you're just so infuriating. Thread closed!

Levi: God bless America, land that I thread closed.

Foley: Yeah, right we get it. One final question. Pocket and I saw The Social Network. We gave it eight paws up.

Pocket: That's partially because I was on my back asleep.

Foley: Thank you Pocket. Now Levi, I was wondering why you, who runs a large social network, is not featured in the movie?

Levi: I was in the movie but it got cut. There's the scene where the Facebook creator gets a little sexy time with a girl in a bathroom stall. My scene was right after that. When they were done I was the attendant who cleaned the floor. That's kind of how the Big L seeshimself. Guys like Zukerman they have all these creative juices.
Sometimes they spill out on the floor. I'm the guy who mops them up antries to profit from their overflow.

Foley: Well, with that I'd like to say thread closed.

Levi: What? I still have lots to say. I'm trying to get on Dancing with the Stars. The Big L could be bigger then the Huff. And you're going to close my thread? What's up with that? (He gets up and starts to dance.) What's up with that, what's up with that, what's up with that,what's up with that.

Foley: God he's still such a massive tool

Pocket: Yeah but he's a good dancer

Foley: Why's he squishing?

Pocket: I might have peed in his shoe.

Foley: You're a good girl Pocket. Good night everyone!


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