Saturday, September 19, 2009

Foley breaks out of rehab with a little help from her friends

I have to thank my fellow Tanner Brigade members for the wonderful raid on the Lassie Ford clinic that broke me out of re-hab, where I did not want to stay: No, no, no.

I was in my room watching Animal Precinct while my roommate Underdog was buffing my paws. (He’s not very good as a superhero but quite adept as a shoeshine boy.) I heard on the intercom the sharp tones of Nurse Ratchit: “Paging Dr. Howard, Dr Fine, Dr. Howard.”

I knew everyone on the staff. There were no doctors by that name. Then the door flew open. Shams, Duke and Fay-Fay stumbled in wearing stethoscopes and those big light things on their heads. “We’ze here to rescue you!” Shams said. Underdog jumped on the bed, yelled: “Here I come to save the day!” and curled up into a wonderful sleep.

The Pack told me to follow them down the hall. The orderlies who were supposed to be watching me were watching Ladybug instead as she strutted around in her nurses uniform. They didn’t pay any attention to us at all. We slinked down the walls until we found a hole.

Moe stuck his head out. “Follow me, I made a tunnel,” he said. I was worried because my bigger friends would be left behind but the Pack said they were going back for Ladybug then would walk right out the front door. Meanwhile I stuck close behind Moe in the hole he had dug. His ass smelled remarkably refreshing.

Guards patrolled the building’s parameter. I was afraid we’d get caught because they were very mean. When we got outside they yelled at us to stop but from behind a tree Gracie and Max Earnest ran out. They rolled over on their backs. The mean guards said: “oh, look at the cute puppies, how precious.”

Moe motioned for me to hurry over to a waiting car. I turned. Gracie and Max were activating their belly copters. (It was one of their brother Teddie Bond’s favorite gadgets.) They flew over to awaiting car where Dulce was sitting behind the wheel of his Chrysler Beagle.

I climbed in the back seat with Moe. Gracie and Max landed on the roof. They jumped in through the windows. Shams, Duke, Fay-Fay and Ladybug all climbed in too. Next to Dulce was Lilly holding a stopwatch. My little friend had planned the entire rescue. She told me to open the gift in the back. I ripped into it. There was a cake from Max and Tupper. It’s what I found inside that truly made me happy. They had baked Foley-tinis right into the cake. Yum.

Dulce started the car. Boy, was he a terrible driver. He hit the car in front of us, and the car behind us, but I didn’t care. I was getting sprung. “What about the guards at the gate?” I asked. “I have that covered too!” Lilly said.

We stopped at the gate where Hobo sat surrounded by guards. At his tiny paws was a case of Grey Goose. Humans, they sure do love their geese. They gave Hobo a scratch on the head, then gratefully opened the gate for us just as Hobo hopped in the car.

We headed home with Dulce running lots of cars right off the highway. Soon I was back home with Mommy, with one slice of Max and Tupper’s Foley-tini cake for my Mom.

So thank you all my friends. I did not like re-hab. No, no, no.

I will continue my wonderful lifestyle of getting by with a little help from my friends, getting high with a little help from my friends. Gonna try with a little help from my friends.

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