Monday, September 14, 2009

Foley creates scene at Video Doggy Awards

As you may imagine, my sister Foley has spent most of the day upstairs on her blanket, barely sticking her head out the bedroom door as the press waits anxiously for a statement with their satellite trucks blocking my view of the kitties lying on the gazebo in the sun.

I don’t know where things went so horribly wrong. We were all having such a good time, sailing on the Kennedy yacht, peeing on the poop deck, pooping on the pee deck. And then came Sunday.

We had been waiting for Sunday for so long. It was the VDA’s: The Video Doggy Awards. We all got dressed up in our finest. Hattie Mae wore the most brilliant dress, Chelsea and Ashton had on their Red Raiders jerseys, everyone agreed Taabatha was stunning and Zoe was her usual graceful self.

The show opened with moving tributes to the Bubs, Tanner and Sophie, then another tribute to our wonderful friend Teddie Bond, and when Morgan came out to deliver an award we gave our little miracle man and sit up and stay ovation.

Hobo Hudson hosted the show in his usual erudite manner bringing down the house when he asked. “How many DS executives does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question: None of the bulbs can be changed because all the threads have been closed.”

Then it was my time to take the stage. I had been chosen to present best performance by a Lollipop in a video. The favorite was Ladybug at sunset but in an upset Sandy's Maggie and the water hose won

Sandy was so stunned and happy to win. She put her paws around the microphone and began to bark when suddenly, from across the stage came Foley, and this time she had her full Monster on.

She grabbed the mike out of Sandy’s hands and began to bark. “I’m sorry to interrupt you Sandy but I just wanted to say that Ladybug had one of the greatest videos of all time, it had the lake, and the sunset, it was beautiful.” I nipped her in the ear and nosed her off the stage as our doggy friends began to howl in anger.

Sandy seemed shaken through the rest of her speech, and later that night, when Lady Bug won best video, she graciously brought Sandy up on the stage with her. Foley, of course, saw none of this, was she was sleeping under the podium.

Sadly, I knew the truth. While out on the ocean pretending to be Kennedys Foley became a little too much like one, and got her full drunk on. While she does love both Sandy and Ladybug, she had been upset about Ladybug being sick and wanted to speak up for her friend.

A little while ago my sister gave me this statement:

“I would like to apologize to my friends, to Sandy, to Ladybug, to everyone for my actions Sunday night. I had never tasted a Cape Codder before and never should have had twelve bowls. I was in an impaired state when I took the microphone from Sandy and I am currently under my Mommy’s observation for exhaustion.”

I know my sister is, according to all the veterinary records, a bitch, but she is a bitch to everyone, so please find it in your heart to forgive her. A five-pound dog should never have twelve bowls of Cape Codders and then be given a live microphone.

I have to go, I have Jay’s people on line two about tomorrow night’s show.

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